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Today is Weds Aug 18, 2010 I am staying with a good friend in Libertyville, IL! Its a long story. However I am good
and all is well! I put all my stuff in storage. Its a liberating experience to say the least. I am transitioning. I never
realized how tied to all my stuff I was! It has been a huge burden at times, and then at other times the comfort I get
from laying in my comfy king sized bed or having coffee on my own front porch and listening to the birds in the morning is
irreplaceable. However, I had become a slave to my prison of stuff. The absence of opportunity in my home town of Destin FL
combined with the constant threat of oil vapors, disbursants (just the sound of that word gives me the creeps), the long days
waiting for the fish kills, tar balls and the drone of cnn made me crazy. I literally became a shut in. My big thrill was
waiting for the first of the month when I would go down to the BP claims office and wait silently with the rest of us poor
fish mongers, servers and weathered refugees full of uncertainty living in a nightmare. We wait and hope that we will get
what they say we were going to get, but we dont. They change their story every month. This is high season for us, and we should
be rolling in dough and stocking it away for the winter. Then
you have the folks who have not lost their livelyhoods, or their minds, like my boyfriend. He works a normal job, thats
not yet affected by the downturn in tourism, he is in pest control. Some of his co-workers have left the area already so he
is busy replacing their routes... And he is in denial bigtime. Its very sad, his boyhood vacation spot that he loved so much
that he made it a point to move there and live the rest of his life... the memories of years gone by are at the front of his
brain, and everything is AOK. I won't go to the beach but there are people like him who will, alot of them. I have seen the boats out at crab island, and the yahoos on jet skiis and in the waist deep water,
thats not the color that it used to be. Its a piss green now, where it used to be a turquoise emerald hue. The hot august
sun hits the sheen as far as the eye can see, and since you are in it, you don't know you are in it. It took me getting out
of it to see that I was in it. They don't want you to get out of it. Last
weekend I went to the air show in Chicago on the lakefront at North Avenue Beach. The sky was achingly blue, the truest blue
you ever knew could exist. The water was soft green, and crisp clear pristine with no sheen. It took my breath away. I almost
cried for I knew then how bad it was in Destin. I knew what I had been living in for the past three months in the heat of
summer. Destin was like LA, the haze of evaporating whatever hangs in the sky dressing the horizon in a yellow tinged veil
in the mornings and by the after noons the sky is crowded with gigantic cumulous clouds dragging their leaking obese limbs
slowly across the mercury colored bay. Its hurricane season. My headache has gone away! And the crisp clean air here is so delicious. I am glad I left. I hate
that I had to leave, but sitting around pretending that everything is ok and living on memories is not what I signed up for.
I will not give up my Florida residency, for I love my home state and my home town of Destin. I loved my life there, the fresh
fruit, and seafood. The beautiful weather, the beach lifestyle... These past eight years have been awesome. The music
scene is tremendous, the players and clubs, our friends have all become family. But I am not going to hang out and weather
the toilet bowl that BP has turned it into. I deserve to be healthy
and active. I think I am entitled to that, aren't I? Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness or something along those lines.
Just how long does it take 200 million barrels of oil to go away?! July 1, 2010 What Have You Got To Lose? I am not alone. There is no one above me and no one below me. We are all together on this planet, and though
our outer selves seem as different and multi varied as snowflakes, the fact is we are all the same. I say this to diffuse
questions of who the heck I think I am. I am no one. I am just me! Just one snowflake created perfectly by God, to float down
thru the sky and land on the tip of your tongue, or on your bootlace. I live as this perfect crystalline structure breifly
manipulated by temperature and humidity, directed by oceanic weather patterns to an altitude and position on a revolving planet,
just like every other part of creation here. I do not choose to be created in this moment, I choose the awareness of my creation.
I choose my thought pattern, and when I choose to stop thinking I simply am. I become nonresistant. I choose to allow myself
to be Gods beautiful snowflake, what else on earth could I be! I will tell you. I
could be a rain drop. I could be a firefly. I could be an amoeba. I hope you get the picture. What ever it is that I am, I
simply am. The trick is that I am aware of what it is that I am right now as part of creation, and I am awake to the possibility
of what I can be by choosing to remain awake. I have learned how to pry open my rigid little mind and allow the gentle rays
of hope to pour thru bringing light and understanding, and most of all freedom. By staying awake to constant creation, I mean
refusing to allow my consciousness to sink back down into the mire of clutter that was the old me, that limited dull automatic
robot thinking the same old thoughts. I have dropped that personality like a hot rock. I am choosing to stay open and to let
God guide my every thought and consequent movement. That way, every thought I persue is for His good, by doing so, I draw
nigh unto Him and he makes clear my path. I am learning now how to Trust my creator! Imagine, the little snowflake having
a trust issue! In my case I have a whole laundry list of thngs that I have to
lose by opening my mind to this new awareness. And I am gladly tossing out most every thought that I encounter! Creating a
space of no thinking, just being. Spring cleaning in late june, and not a moment too soon! You
see, it was an interesting road that led me here! Details, details!! My story isn't unique. We all have a story. We all have
a life that we live. The world abhors a vacuum, and the space in your life that you don't consciously fill with love and invite
God into to work his miracles, becomes cluttered with nonsense. Others on the same lost path, menial jobs, illness, oil spills,
catasrophes, earthquakes, drugs, crime, poverty etc. All these issues are attracted to the space that we label and fill with
fear in our minds. If I don't do this then that will happen. I can't be sure that this will happen so I better do that just
in case! For goodness sake, when you get to the end of your life and you are sitting on deaths doorstep, you finally realize
that you spent all that time worrying, and resisting the natural goodness that God had stored up just for you for nothing!
You traded in your natural peace and simple contentment for a life spent putting off the worst possbile scenario, which everyone
fears, and that is the fear of death! Why not just let all your fear and worry
die! You know that you will die one day. There is no way around that! We all will! That little precious snowflake will melt,
its designed to be Gods proof of beauty and nature for a very brief moment! There is only one thing that will last forever
and that is God. So why not let Him have your life now! Give up your fear! After all you cannot trust if you have fear! In my case, fear ran my life. I made alot of my big decisions based on fear! Its just very recently
(and I am 51 years young) that I woke up and said, "NO MORE!!" I got down on my knees and I asked God to take over
my life. I confronted my fear. Took out a big fat fly swatter and flattened it. Its still whimpering in the corner, stuck
to the coffee table... hoping that I will forgive it, and you know I will. By confronting it, and clearing its negative charge
you change it. All these other things in the world, like I said, that are unconscoius
get automatically placed in the fear corner and we react to them and file them in the loss category, or the crime category,
or the victim category, but in fact they just are. And when you see that as the reality of the world, you have mastered it.
Fear loses its terror, when you confront it. Just like darkness disappears at the instant of light, and confusion vanishes
in the dawning of understanding. Duality disappears, and you take another big juicy breath pulling oxygen into your lungs
and your heart beats on. When you master the death of duality, you see then there really and truly is nothing to fear
in death. The snowflake simply becomes a raindrop, which waters a flower and feeds a firefly and the heart of nature beats
on in unison with the crickets clicking in the fields. I had to give up suffering!
Imagine the little snowflake suffering! How ridiculous is that! But I was so used to it that I lived in it! I wasn't myself
if I wasn't suffering! My whole life was based on accepting myself as having to suffer. This is when my consciousness arose
and just said "NO, I will suffer no more." And guess what, the suffering police didn't show up and break down the
door, and nobody knew or cared that I was no longer suffering in my little mind. No one but me! I threw that thought out and
I left room for.... nothing! When I say nothing, I mean there is an empty space in my mind where suffering once took residence.
Now that space is given to God, and I am actively looking for His miracle to take root and show me something utterly fantastic!
After all, since I trust Him with all my heart, and I know now that there is no death, there is no point to suffering! Life
just keeps getting better and better! I am smiling on the inside, and thats without any money, or ice cream! My shoulders
relax and I sit up a little taller in my chair! I am on a roll. What else do I
have to give up? What do I have left to lose? Hmmmmm... Doubt! I have a flyswatter for that, just have to smack it down every
now and again, and forgive myself for letting my attention wander back into the nasty swamp of robotic thinking, after all,
what do I have to lose in reality?   June 16th, 2010 Black Sand Blues words
and music by Amy Hart c p 2010 Amy Hart Music BMI June 15,2010 So sorry its been so long since I have written! I have been very busy. If you follow me on facebook
thats the best way to keep up with my life these days!. Its been a whirl, prom, oil spill, jobs lost, making booms, and Emily's
graduation have been keeping me slammed. But I have made it thru! There are some good photos on my facebook. Emily's Dad and stepmom and her baby brother made it down for graduation. That was major to her.
I put together a cd of photos that I had just developed, that I had been stashing in a ceramic vase for 17 years (there were
25 rolls), all the way back to our apartment on Carmen Ave in Chicago. It was breathtaking to see her life in pictures! I
have been on BP's payroll for two months as my seasonal job crashed because of the oil spill. In my spare time I developed
a new prototype of a hairboom that they are now using in Orange Beach, AWESOME! The oil thing is bad, very bad. Its a crazy
crazy world out there, but all is good in my heart. I am still
reading alot, The Secrets of the Vine, by Bruce Wilkinson, and Travelling Light by Max Lucado. I feel very blessed. My mission
is to abide, which means to stay with Christ in my awareness in my every moment. I am amazed at my life in the moment. Music is good, still playing at the Shed in Destin. I am waiting for God to tell me what to do next.
Its moving quickly, but I am fluid. I am not afraid. I am grateful for all my good friends, for all the opportunity and
for my journey thru this wonderful life. I do think its time to get out of Florida for ahwile. The kid tho, she and Greg are
still in denial thinking everything is fine, and for this moment it truly is. But I see clearly whats coming, and I think
I would rather spend this summer/fall in Chicago! So I am mentally preparing for that. Its here, right off shore, already
attached to the shoreline in Pensacola now, and there is no stopping that oil from beaching itself, as it should. Its unfortunate,
but there will be no way out of it. Today its forecast to come to our shores, I have not been to the beach today. This morning
the county officials declared that they are defying central command and are taking the East Pass and blocking it. The warehouse
where we made our booms is padlocked today. We did manage to ship the majority of fiber over to Orange Beach where after the
oil started to come ashore they finally decided they needed it! There is plenty more available. God Bless the Alpaca farmers
of America! And all the folks all over the world who shipped us their hair! I knew just the belief that they held would be
enough to move a mountain of oil. I still believe that! Its gonna be a hot smelly summer here, add a few hurricanes for some
fun. I was just thinking last night after my gig, you know its been 4 years since I had a beer. I think I need to go to a
meeting! Hot pink! Hot dang!
Hotter yet... Today is Monday May 10, 2010 Just so grateful for another beautiful day! Took a really long walk with Marlaise today, on our way
we picked oranges, and blackberries... yummy! Came home and made smoothies. Then I got crackin on some guitar playing... Feeling
like I am making good progress. Living in the now all day long. When I start to worry about anything at all I remind myself
to be aware of my conciousness, and proceed to stick to my righteous desires, humble down and believe that all is coming to
pass under grace and in a perfect way, just as the virgins waited for the bridegroom, trusting that their betrothed would
be fantastic, but not knowing any details!! I am blessed. I
have to tell about my Mothers Day! My daughter texted me the night before (she's so cute!!) just to make sure that we were
going to have plans together... she is my only child I guess I can squeeze her in on Mothers Day!! Sheeesh! So I thought hmmmmm
what can we do thats fun and different! Then I remembered an invitation that I got on facebook to go and make hair booms!!
So in the morning I told her that we were going to do something "special"... and also to wear her bathing suit too
cause we definitely were going to the beach too. So I picked her up and she was dressed up like we were going to brunch! LOL! I took her to the warehouse for The Sunshine and Shores Foundation at 508 Mountain Dr in Destin (http://www.sunshineandshoresfoundation.org ) and boy was she suprised! We were two of the three volunteers to show up, but we kicked butt! We spent the next three hours
cuting nylons and stuffing them with donated pet and people hair! These are the gift of the day, as hair attracts oil!!! We
had a blast! She was really really into it and really good at it. We chit chatted with a nice lady from Niceville and the
Goldens, who run the foundation. While we were working the phone was ringing off the hook, as it is becoming big news and
donated hair will be coming in from all over the place. CNN, Reuters and even BP called.... pretty cool way to spend the day. We were rewarded with fresh donuts from Krispy Kreme and then we went up to the beach in Seaside.
We going to walk around the art show... but naaa... we walked along the beach instead. She is my little buddy again! 17 yrs
old and still going "look mom! watch me do this, watch me do that just like when she was 5!" I chuckled. I sure
do love her. She is going to prom next week .... then off to college next year.... such a lucky girl! I am so grateful for
her and for our time together! Today is May 8th 2010 Its a happy day! We are blessed and I am so grateful. Went to see Radney Foster last night at Harbor
Docks. He is one of my favorite people. Great great songwriter and performer. The standard bearer. Excellent performance in
a perfect setting. Tim Jackson opened the show with Travis Thibadeaux. Really a wonderful night. Then we mozied over to The
Shed, a new blues and BBQ hang in Destn... Very cool place. The
jam has become a legendery event. Every week brings new talent and darma. I was going to say drama, but whats the difference!!
All is well. Going to the beach alot lately cause its still perfectly beautiful and fabulous. Emily is going to Prom next weekend... we found a lovely dress and I cried cause she looked so sweet
and pretty! It was at a formal gown place and the dressing rooms were in the bridal section, and the thought of that just
hit me like a hammer! OMG, thats coming.... :) Not any time soon I don't think but it may be the next big event after graduation
in a month... certainly someday hopefully! Not too soon.... then
maybe grand babies! LOL!! How cool would that be! Well for today its just another perfect day here in Destin, got an apt to
talk to the bosses at the Shed about some shows, wish me luck! Today
is May 3rd, and I am using this color beause it was the color of the water where I have lived for the past 8 years.
I find myself in a ridiculously illogical situation! There is solace in knowing that I am not
alone though. Its the start of the season here in FL, after an economic tsunami, being laid off and facing the ordinary burdens
of my midlife slow down, I am again unemployed. Add an oil spill to the equation and one has to wonder what is God thinking... Today is Sunday April 11 4/11\10 Its a beautiful day. Had an
intersting week. I moved my s.o. out of my room and into his own room last week or so, maybe two weeks ago. I was just
getting into getting my sleep and keeping my room nice, with my energy, its my sanctuary now. So who shows up but the kid!
Ok I have been praying that she would come home. She started hinting a few weeks ago, she actually said, "Hey Mom, I'll
make you a deal. I will move home if you buy me a snake." I laughed! "No Way! and just so you know, if you ever
buy a snake and go away on vacation and need someone to snake sit, I am not available." No snakes allowed in my house
ever! But I also told her that she was welcome anytime and didn't have to make a deal she could just come home. So she did. She bought herself a turtle, (this is how the teenage mind works I guess, in her mind
she still "makes the pet deal" sheeesh!) and she crashed at my house for four days. She said she was sick,
so I let her sleep in and stay home from school and we went to the beach, and of course cause she doesn't listen to me she
got a horrible, awful sunburn and had to miss 4 days of school. She's a trip, I love her dearly but she always takes
the hard road, its like her motto! So I got my room back last night, I had a tough week and didn't get any rest. She is fine
and wonderful and I gave her my car, so I guess she'll come back sooner or later. Me and Fritz had a great great gig at Funky Blues Shack on Weds. LSU kids were on break and they just dug
us! Thanks you cool and crazy kids, they are so cute... and BIG thanks to Fritz for playing with me. We sat on stools, just
us two, me on accoustic and him on some form of a white gibson, and did all kinds of cool stuff, the evening just had
big time flow. We played til 1:30 and the bar stayed full, we coulda played all night. It felt like we were royalty, on our thrones
that we have earned the hard way... from years of sticky bar rooms. Thanks
to Chuck for booking me! Had a good jam this week at Bayou Blues,
what a hoot. There is so much energy there sometimes, so much love and intention, tribute, soul, rock... whatever it is, its
sometimes very very good. ts cool to watch people lay it out there, take the big leap. Its very satisfying and everyone has
a great time. Even me, miss perfection. I do sometimes just have to surrender to the invisible jam monster that slows the
groove down to an unidentifiable crawl, sometimes completely crushing it and leaving it purely dead as a john doe, dangling
off the pilons... ok ok Sometimes its not so good. Its the spirit of it that counts, I am willing to go there. So next week I am going to host a jam in my stomping grounds, Highwood IL, where we didn't even need fake
ids, we just walked right into the Wooden Nickel at 16 and 17 and got smashed on rum and cokes. Gus and Romans, Scornavacco's
was hard to get in, they had bands... and doormen.... you had to have a date over 18 to get in there! Really Gus and Romans,
could have been named underage girls and rum, cause that was the deal there.... :) OK so Gabes Backstage Lounge is where its at, and I can't wait! I don't know how I am getting there, where
I am staying or anything but I am totally psyched to hit the road this weekend. The trick is going to be getting back for
my Weds night at Funky Blues Shack in FL, and then Bayou Blues on thurs, I will be dead as a Jane Doe floating in a Boggy
Bayou canoe. Better pack some sunscreen. Today is April 3, 2010 Its a beautiful day. If it looks like
a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck...its a duck. Today is March 22, 2010 A wonderful day! I am happy again. I choose to serve the good, and not to dwell anywhere but the
in the realm of beautiful love and light, and stay willing. I cast the burden of the past, chalk it up to a learning
experience and continue on with my journey, whistling as I go lightly. I travel light, and eat right, soak up love and
leave love when I go. Amen. Today is March 21, the first day of Spring
2010 Maybe, since we do live in a vibrational universe, maybe
since there are always two wolves fighting for food in our consciousness... hmmm maybe if we feed the positive good feeling
wolf, learn to fuel the positive swing of our moods, give no mind or attention to the negative mirror image, the down side,
if we lean hard on the upside, thats probably how we raise our vibration, our conscious frequency. Mathematically speaking
it would make sense to use inertia to propell ourselves to the next level instead of fighting or dragging against the natural growth
of consciousness. I guess we would first have to proove that
there were indeed a mirror image in our consciousness, some say that duality is an illusion... is it real? Or is it only a
language we have invented to communicate our natural environment. What interests me more would be the proof of exact mirror
events, or actions. If for example the statement made by Einstien is true about every action having an equal and opposite
reaction, then its perfectly logical that one should expect every fantastic growth marker in a childs life to have an equally
devastating event before it or after it. That seems to be the case in my life with my teenager....:) Seems logical to me. Today is March 20, 2010. Its Mitch Michaels
Birthday....!!! Had a challenging night last night. Been down
a bit the last few days... I saw some family portraits of my daughter with her new family that she adopted last November...
it hurts. I know, I know... you do everything you can do, then stuff just happens completely out of your control. And I have
been exhausted running around like a chicken with no head. Well the damn cracked last night, and there's a breach. Its a slow
leak, and its gonna burst at some point. The question is, do I blow it up or try to fix it. I don't think there is a
fix. You know you do everything you can and shit just happens. Its serious because I can't go on like I have been. The old
ways just don't apply. I am like a robot walking around, just going thru the motions of a life I don't want anymore.
I know what I do want. I do... I do want something... I
just want to get thru this and say again, you can do it, yes you can! I spend most of my time saying that to other people.
I really love to do that for other people, just need to take my own advice and trust like never before. Because, and I know
this is the third time I am saying this, you do everything you can do... you do it right, and you just have to stand there
and ..... you do it again, you do it right, you work hard, you get the job, you do the work, you say your prayers, your ducks
are all lined up... and..... still.... so you do it again, and
again, and again, and you stand and you wait.... until you just
can't do it anymore... so thats when I just cry. What are tears anyway? Today is still 3/19/10 Matthew 9:29 "According to your faith be in unto you" I am framing my windows today. Making sure they are solid and open, to my own goodness. I choose
this awareness today. Today is March 19th, 2010. I played at a really cool place called the Lower Alabama Lounge here in Destin on St. Patricks Day.
It was a last minute deal, got a call from Ronnie Dents, from the Dents Brothers band. They moved over here from New Orleans
after Katrina. They did really well for about three or four years here, but then like me, somehow they tanked. Last season
they went down with the ship when Pat O'Brian's closed at the Emerald Grand. Fritz was their guitar player, hmmmmm.... maybe
we need to start a band called without Fritz! They same thing happened to me when Fritz left my band. He is awfully good.
Anyway, they needed a white person in the band who sings and plays guitar, and a pretty female doesn't hurt either so I got
the call. Indeed. Its funny cause ever since I played at Buddy Guy's legends I wanted a black band so its kina perfect! So the place is a great venue, big stage.... deja vu... I think I had this dream before. There's
a nice dressing room and couches and stuff... they got everything. We did good and they want us back. Sounds good doesn't
it? It is good and I shall do my best to keep it good. The jam on Thursday nights
has taken on a very cool little groove. Its the best of all possible worlds, a little blues, a little country, a little singer/songwriter
and alot of fun. Last night we actually did a songwriter round, except that I was the only songwriter! Graham and Scott did
covers, I couldnt resist playing my songs and they sounded great. There's a little niche going on there with the youngsters!
Man! There is a real scene there now. We have a bunch of really talented and ultra cool alternative "old crow medicine
show" wannabes, and they are awesome. Jim Lancaster from Playground Recording is gonna be the producer of some great
great new material with these kids, and I am happy to support them, tune their guitars, do sound, whatever I can. Its really
sweet. The place has a very comfy and groovy feel to it. The atmoshpere has a unique thing to it, hard to explain. Grungy
for sure, garagey, but ultra cool just by chance, there is a spirit, a subtext that is amazing. I am proud to nuture it and
really its my favorite thing right now. My guys, Jim Lancaster and Warren Meigs are happening, and we have started a movement.
Its rockin blues and cool as cool can be. Work is good.... My daughter is good, growing up and coming to know what a wonderful world she has at her disposal!
She and her best friend Allie did "Cecelia" by Simon and Garfunkel at FWBHS open mic night the other night. I sat
with Allies parents, her dad is a drummer in Forest Williams band. We were all blown away. No parent in their right mind would
push pursuing a music career on their kid, but by right mind I mean a parent who is a working musician. The reason is because
we know how hard it is, and we don't want our kids to go thru what we go thru. So I have been very careful not to drag Emily
into performing, even tho I did nuture her musical skills by giving her piano lessons and making her stay in band.... and
yes I did know that she was highly capable of stealing the show at age 4 when she sang rudolf the red nose reigndeer at one
of my gigs.... So anyway, they were awesome. We fell apart when Allie pulled out a harmonica and played the solo! (Emily told
me the whole story in detail later about how Allie didn't want to play harmonica, but Emily made her cause Emily had to play
the guitar which she did perfectly, and allie shook the the rhythm egg too. It was cute as all get out!) You can see on the
video Emily nudging Allie into playing the solo, and Allie reluctantly, annoyingly complied, PERFECTLY! It was priceless!
So no mattter what you do, they are what they are. God bless them.
Today is March 9, 2010 Yesterday on my way to work, I was crying inside. Feeling like I give up. It was bad in that I was
thinking that I was growing spiritually but not materially. That I was disappointed because I had gone and gotten a job because
I knew for sure that I would get money from working. But then when I was at work, I realized that I had to be alert and aware
that this life is not about just getting money. There are many many other gifts I get. The key is awareness. Things
really can change in an instant. Earthquakes, for example. Or, no matter how hard you try, you go out and get a job and you
show up for work, and still no money, no customers! So then
it becomes about awareness. I am aware that I am a part of whatever environment I put myself into. I become appreciative because
I prefer to go with the flow and surrender to it instead of wishing I was somewhere else. Then in an instant, I get to go
home because there is no money to be made. So then the experience, the gift from it becomes and always was the shared experience,
meeting new people, learning new ways of doing things, smiling my way thru and moving in a positive flow interacting with
my world no matter what world it is. Instead of getting annoyed
with the timing of God's infinite supply I can know and appreciate what I do have, and where I am right NOW, and by doing
so stay in the positive flow. This way I am bound to see my goodness, faster. Don't have to wait for it, Its right here and
now and by staying in the flow you attract more of what you do want. So
thats very cool. I am working seven nights a week now. Got up
today and went to yoga, loving my life. Writing and doing music work in the mornings, and early afternoons... for now... its
all good. Went to the beach on Sunday! Spring Breakers are here! Spring is here... I don't care what the date is! (3/5/10) There are flowers blooming and the temp in Destin today is 61 degrees, thats good
enough for me. Officially Spring Breakers arrive next week, and so the season starts again... :) I was just hoolahooping in my kitchen, and I thought I should write about how good
I feel today! I pulled the ab lounge out of the garage and set it up in the back yard. And I am planning out my vegetable
garden... Peppers, squash, watermelon, cantalope... hmmmm what else! Got to find a way to get those pesky awful spurs out
of the grass, they are terrible. The jam was
good last night. It has evened out for me, not brilliant, and not stanky, just a comfy groove which is cool. I am enjoying
it and my jamsters seem to be as well. They are all characters, but I think I can love them all in their own uniqueness! They
require this and that and more of this and less of that, and I do my best to give it to them and it all seems to work out
fine. The venue is fine, nice folks. No complaints! I
am playing more lead, which is my wish. I want to be Stevie Ray Amy, in my dreams. My girl is precious. We went to her first art show yesterday. She is a very talented painter, as
well as good musician. We are in the home stretch now for countdown to graduation... its in her own hands as well as Gods.
We have applied at two colleges, FSU and Columbia in Chicago, I will try to get her to apply to Belmont in Nashville too...
and NWFS... She is talking about going back up north with her dad when he comes down for graduation.... Of course it would
be my wish that she move back in with me and get a summer job and start socking away dough for school but she is her own master
these days and I know she will be fine whatever she chooses to do. I am very proud of her. She is awesome. As I was hoolahooping away I realized that she is pretty much gone, and I did it...
I raised her. She will be eighteen in August, but she is pretty much all done with me. I am proud, of us both that we survived
pretty darn miraculously, all intact and healthy, wise, able and I am inspired. I think she is too. She's a good kid, I always
said that she just came that way, thats the way God made her. I am getting teary eyed now. Green is for spring, and I know its coming
because today is 3/1/10! God never sleeps. Always going, always
working always doing... I wish I had that kind of energy. I guess on some level I do, because even when I am alseep I am creating
somehow. My task today is to be here now, be busy believing. Digging my ditches... digging my way into spring and getting
ready! It is warming up. I know it is. The weird thing here in Florida is that once the sun comes out, its HOT!! We get a
short spring, sort of a little preheating period like when the oven is just turned on, but it is very short! I am getting
hot just thinking about it. Now calm down I am not being inappropriate. Speaking
of being inappropriate, thats a constant battle for me sometimes. I just have a funny take on life. I love to crack up and
laugh, but people do take it the wrong way. I am not supposed to do that in everyday life I don't think. I think its ok on
stage, but not anywhere else. I hope I can remember that. Because it feels good to be on stage and in that spot. I used to
call it my office. That is where I get my work done for sure. But everywhere else I need to keep a lid on it. Be small, head
down, be humble and grateful. Cept when I am alone driving in my car. Then its ok to hoot at holler I think!! Maybe not I
don't know... Better to say you don't know even when you do I
am told. Goals for spring... 1. Let it begin NOW! 2.Enjoy
every minute of it! 3.Stay in the NOW every minute forever more. The
End!
I am writing in this color today
because its Feb 25, 2010 and its high time the weather warmed up down here so we can all jump in the turquoise water... sheesh
enough if enough! Don't you think?!! I just got home from a great trip to Chicago. It was perfect in every way. I started last Weds
and got a late start.... I drove till midnight and crashed in Alabama somewhere... Athens I think. Then took my time and spent
the whole day in Nashville visiting friends. I saw my good friend Lee Rath who works in Franklin at the cutest little restaurant,
Pucketts Grocery. Lee has traded in her horses for harleys, hmmmm thats a song right there. When I lived there we worked together
and rode together and her then husband Scott, recorded with me a few times. Now her kids are all grown up and educated, and
her and Scott parted ways and she is soo happy and beautiful it gives me hope that I can be happy and beautiful too! It was
great to see her and catch up. Plus she put in a good word for me for a gig at Pucketts which would be awesome to add to my
mini tour route! Then I also saw a girl band rival from the old
days, Kristin Massey~! What a treat! We reconnected on facebook a while ago and she invited me to catch up next time thru
Nashville so I couldn't resist! Now I haven't seen her in 25 years. This is crazy I know... but I am loving it! She looks
the same, beautiful, skinny blond and still playing music like me (Except for the skinny part!)! She and her partner have
a beautiful home there and they played me some of their music which was uber fantastic. So nice to spend time with another
female musician, singer/songwriter. We both come from Chicago. She and her sisters had some big success with their band Tami
Show, they did very well. It was a unique meeting, reminiscing about the state of the music biz from an 80s female perspective....
:) Great to see her. I have made a new friend on my little tour. Look forward to spending more time with her and doing some
music together. While I was there at the Foaming Monkey,
or Frothy Spunky Thing, sitting with Kristin I got a call from my friend Marlaise. there had been an accident at home involving
my cat Max. Sad to say that Max had been caught in her fan belt and came out badly. We decided to put him out, so that happened...
Marlaise was torn up and in pieces about it, I told her not to worry so much. I was grateful that he didn't grow old and get
sick, as I had just gone thru all that with my dog. I also told her that I was so glad that I was not there, and
thankful that she went thru it and not me! I definitely couldn't handle something like that happening to me. Thank you
God that it was not my car. Greg and Marlaise took him home and buried him next to fudge. I will miss him, I do
already. Of course my kid has radar
and called me right after Marlaise, so I had to tell her... she went to pieces. It took her several days to pull
it together and I am thankful too that I was out of town for that as well. God you are so good to me! On with the show... I am laughing so hard because its just fun. Late start again and stopped
around midnight in Lafayette IN. Nice room. Then took my time getting into Chicago. I got there around noon
and just drove to the zoo. It was Beautiful day, sunny and bright, but snow covered everything. I found a free parking spot
at the zoo and just got out and walked. My sis was getting her hair done down on Oak Street so I decided to take my time and
walk down there. First I went thru the zoo. Loved the ape house! I watched a silverback gorilla lay out a burlap sac
just like we would lay out at towel on the beach. Those of us watching were astounded that he took the time to meticulously
spread out the cloth, even the corners. He covered the wood chip floor with the sack and then proceeded to lay down on it
and take a nap. So cool. But sad too... conflicted about the zoo. Maybe they should go ahead and give them beds and TV
and room service! Why not! Another
new exhibit (new to me) was the African rain forest thing... that was very cool. And my favorite thing was that conservatory.
The hothouse in Lincoln Park... I took some beautiful pictures of the orchids I will post. As I walked around in the
sun, I imagined what it would be like to live there, by the park and wake up to the sound of the zoo! That would be cool.
Maybe someday! So what I thought would be a few blocks from the
zoo to Oak Street turned into a major deal, like miles and miles! I finally got there I think around 3:00 and parked my frozen
blistered self in front of the fire at the Starbucks on Rush Street Next to Barneys. My sister kept calling me to come to
the salon, but I wasn't going to budge until I was thawed and toasted. While I walked to Rush and Oak, I reminisced about
what I had been thru in that very neighborhood in the 80s. Good God! Thats a book and I will write it someday I promise.
Lets just say it was nice to be back, alive and well and sober because I know lots of folks who didn't make it. God is so
good to me. I am grateful. I started my waitress career in the division street area, I started partying there, and I felt
like now I was seeing it in a whole new light. Just happy to be there at all. I walked past alot of places that I worked at
or sang at and shook my head in disblief, but I own that, I did that! I think this was a coming home trip. Boy oh boy! So I hooked up with Dede my sis and we grabbed a bite at Gibsons. Then it was like 6 o'clock and
time to get to Lillys. So I hate going to a gig with anyone.
I need to do it on my own. When ever I go with someone things just get kooky. I need that space all to myself before I play.
My sis means well, but its hard to get in the zone when you are enteraining someone else before you entertain... or maybe
its just me but this time I lost my car keys before I went on. It was a big deal. But not really just something that wouldn't
have happened if I was not with her. The last time I played in Chicago I went thru a similar thing, she was going to drive
me, cause I had flown and not rented a car, and it just got all twisted up. Wierd things like all of the sudden a huge snowstorm
popped up, and her windshield wipers stopped working, thank God tho, cause that was my chance to jump ship and get on the
train where I can collect my thoughts and go thru my performance deal which is nothing, just leave me alone and
don't talk to me for a little while and I am good to go. Lillys
is a dive bar on Lincoln Ave. I found this gig on Craigslist, and I have now played there 3 times. I like it. I am looking
forward to doing it again. This time on Friday I had only 3 people come to see me! But they were VERY important to me! I am
extremely grateful to them for taking the time to come and watch me chase my dreams! Those three people were my sister Dede,
Mitch Michaels (radio guy) and Chip Altholz (recording guy and my ex-manager)!! So we have all reconnected on facebook. Thats
freaky! Mitch was the DJ at WLUP that started my career. He
and the other powers that be picked me out of 1500 entries when they made the first Loop album back in 1980! OMG yes
I did say 1980! That like changed my whole life! I had talked to Mitch on the phone a few days before I left for Chicago and
was really looking forward to seeing him. I am so glad he came! He is great! What a voice he has, and he just goes and goes,
he is awesome. I am eternally grateful for that album, which outsold the Rolling Stones Emotional Rescue at number ONE in
Chicago in the summer of 1980. Turns out he got married 3 times and has five kids and grandkids and just has had a beautiful
life its seems, he is a really good guy. And Chip! He recorded
the second Loop album in 1981 live at Chicagofest! OMG, yes we played out on Navy Pier, there is a picture of us in my gallery
and on facebook. What you don't know is that these gigs were my first gigs ever! My very first gig was at the Uptown Theatre,
a venue that seats 5000. It was crazy! I entered a radio contest and won. I was thinking "That was easy!" And now
here I am 30 years later, and these guys are sitting at the bar at Lillys on Lincoln Avenue to see me at 7 pm. THANKS SO MUCH
FOR COMING TO SEE ME! Miraculously I found my keys and we went
out to dinner. It was awesome. I stayed at a great 4 star hotel I found on Priceline (I LOVE PRICELINE). Hotel Felix. Chip
and Mitch helped me to get a nice upgrade, they are so sweet. Saturday
I stayed in my jammies and played guitar all day. Went and did my show and had several special guests show up. The show was
fantastic, and Lilly was very happy. All was well and I made enough to get home (gas money)! Afterwards had dinner with Dede
and my best friend Trish at Adobo. Sunday and Monday I stayed
in Lake Bludff and visited with my sister. It was beautiful. We had another storm, and the snow while uneventful to them was
pure magic to me. The birds the next day complained about it too, but in the loudest harbinger of spring they told me that
its coming. Especially the loons. Yo! I miss Da luns (said in the best ditka voice). You know it baby, spring is coming. I forgot I have allergies and so next time I will not sleep with the dog in front of her fireplace~! I cought a nasty cold, and had to hit the road with a sore throat and borderline fever. I called
my friends in Nashville and said I would drive straight thru and not stop after all I just wanted to get to my own bed. I
left at 9 am. I am so lucky. I forgot my copper colored cowboy boots when I left Chicago, I almost left them there,
but I turned around and went back and got them. I went the absolutely right speed limit the whole way, and I ate at all the
right places, got the right amounts of gas and took the perfect bathroom breaks all the way down, cleared the decks with my
friends, and turned on my master self help guru at the perfect time to run smack into destiny! How does God do all that? His
Wonders To Perform! AND MY WARDROBE MATCHED MY HOTEL ROOM AGAIN! How does he dooooo that?! So my giddy self was wide awake and inspired all the way home. Once you get below Montgomery there
is nothing but pine forest between you and the gulf. And my GPS took me thru the weirdest and wildest forest imagineable.
I got off 65 at Goerginana, birthplace of Hank Williams. Alot of it isn't even GPSable, and it was cold. The deer were
out in force. I have never hit a deer, and for some reason I was scared that I would that trip. Things were just going that
well. My forest green Chrylser glided silently thru the pines beneath a navy moonlit cirrus sky... On my quiet ride, the ghost of my best kitty max jumped into my lap and told me to slow down
just as a herd of deer crossed my path. Thanks Maxie, I love you. You and my copper colored cowboy boots. I ought to have
them bronzed and put them on your grave. Puss and Boots... oh come on now!  Today I write in bold red letters
because its 2/15/10. I went to the coolest party last night.
I had the very good fortune of meeting and befriending a very special person. He is an artist, world renowned and exquisitely
talented. His name is Nall. I was so thrilled to be included in his Valentines Day Party at his gallery in Fairhope, Alabama!
His life is art. I love his works, they are brilliant and spectacular and very unique. Bright and shiny, delicate and fragile
but put together in the most intentionally strong and earthy way. Its almost like he takes a mental photograph of everyday
life and totally shatters it and reassembles it his way which is totally new and fresh and pretty. His studio is amazing.
Filled with the most intriguing things, bits and pieces, strings and boxes, bones, feathers, disassembled picture frames,
driftwood, broken glass, mosaic mirrors, just everything a genius would need or ever want to play with. This artists space was bright, spotless, airy, and busy busy busy. Crammed with festive
party favors, and red clad art lovers, art lovers friends, young and old. Three tables stacked with food are spread with beautiful
flowers and interesting doo dads, like baby alligator heads and dental apparatus from man and beast. Boney skeletons dancing,
tricylces with bright red parasols, roses, and lots of love suspended in the air and everywhere. The best part was to watch Nall in action. He is the entertainer, as well as the entertainment. He
ran the night like a three ring circus. I feel very blessed to have been a witness to his being. At home in his environment,
he hosted a game of musical chairs for the costumed guests complete with three musicians, and scads of photographers, amateur
as well as professional. A grand time. Truly fabulous to watch him play in his playground. I need to see that in my life just
as much as we all need to see beautiful art in life. We need to see bright colors and shiny beautiful objects because they
uplift us. We need to see life rearranged in a new and different way because it inspires us. I brought my daughter who is
studying art, and she was amazed. She needed to be amazed. I brought my friend Marlaise too because she wanted to be amazed,
and she was not disappointed. I knew it would be cool, but it was much cooler than I could have imagined. I knew that people
like Nall existed, but to participate as his witness to musical chairs, and to his 3 costume and correlating persona changes
was a rare treat indeed! Thanks for the invite! At the end of the evening I knew that I was a special trinket, a piece of
something, like a chard of precious gem hand selected, coaxed and massaged, lovingly fed and personally imbued with
fruity nectar and blissful treats, bedecked, directed and finely set in a perfectly miraculous piece
of art, by a master craftsman! DUDE! Nick Vujicic CHECK THIS BAD BOY OUT!!! I just wanted to write a letter to God Today is a GREEN DAY! 2/4/2010.... Oh happy day! Its thursday and that means jam night tonight. Its all about the jam. Can't wait! I
got the job hosting the Thursday night jam at Bayou Blues in Niceville. It is the best jam ever, and I have some great jamsters.
Jim Lancaster plays bass for me and Warren Meigs plays drums. They have kindly taken the time to learn some of my songs and
I LOVE IT!!! Of course we have the open jam and that is awesome. I am actually playing a little lead, bass and whatever needs
to be played and that keeps me on my toes! Skip Daley, an AWESOME drummer is a great addition to the jam and so it Graham
Thompson, who normally plays bass as his real gig but comes and plays guitars and sings at the jam.... anything can happen. My life is beautiful. Back to yoga at the beach, and I am working out regularly getting ready for
bikini weather. I am working on new material and more gigs, got a hint that I may be going to Nashville soon, of course will
blow thru on my way to Chicago in 2 weeks, but I may be doing some hanging out there for real soon. Sooo excitied! I love my life. Everyone
understands that burning wood produces fire. But when fire feeds on fire, that is a rare condition that yields the greatest
illumination. Two flames come together and yield light more magnificent than either could have given forth alone. "Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God." ACIM Once in awhile
you meet someone who inspires you, who pushes you to greater heights, who helps you to accomplish things you may never have
been able to accomplish alone. Nourish the spark. Cherish the partnership. Fan the flame. Today is the 22 of Jan 1/22/10 I am writing and feeling in the pink today. Got up, coffee, played and sang worked on some new stuff.
Feeling great. Took a walk, gathered my thoughts and here are some of those very things: If I stay in the now, and don't worry about anything at all, I am free. I know one thing, that is
I want to sing as long as a well as I am able. I know too that my personal gift (message) is that if I stay in the now, and
"OPEN UP MY WINDOWS AND LET GODS LOVE FLOW THRU ME then all the rest will take care of itself. I am so grateful
that I am NOW AWARE that my job is SIMPLE. I have also
been pondering this; I hear a voice from behind and it says this is the way walk ye in it. OK thats paraphrased. Another version
or similar text is, Seek me first and I will make plain your path. Both of these and there are more... suggest movement. I
am still working on this, but I think any movement is good. If you are on a path it is a good thing. Cause if you are not,
then you are not moving, and not seeking, not sharing, not growing. Another hint, all paths lead us to where we are meant
to be, which I truly do believe is in the NOW> There is no one place that is any better than another. However, if you put
God first by being his channel his vessel, then YOUR path (THIS IS confusing FOR ME) will be made straight, clear,
well defined. The rest of my life is fantastic. Its a gorgeous
day today. I made some awesome turkey chili yesterday here is the recipe: 2 lbs ground turkey 2 packets of chili
seasoning 2 large garlic cloves 1 large can of Rotel 1 8oz can of black
beans 1 8oz can of corn (I use frozen and measure it in the empty
black bean can.) chopped cilantro green onion chopped grated fiesta blend
cheese lowfat sour creme whole wheat tortillas Brown the turkey
and chopped garlic. Add chili seasoning, rotel, beans and corn. Simmer on low heat for 20 minutes. Serve rolled in warm whole wheat tortillas garnished with chopped cilantro, green onion, sour
cream and cheese! Buenos Diaz! I am heading up to the outlet mall (UH-OH) I need some new running shoes. Music update: Studio stuff is going great. Today I am loving the Lancasters at Playground Recording
Studio in Valparaiso. Really excited about what we've been up to. Its soul music... PERFECT! Tonight I am going to try to
talk the kids into going to see Corky Siegel's Chamber Blues at the Conference Center. I am going for sure...
:) Jan 19, 2010 Blue is a most comfy color! I am grateful today. I know peace. I know how to get there instantly.
I finally know how to climb into my own personal tree house, my secret club house where no one no thought no outside influence
can enter. Its really there, and its really accessable upon demand, its true, if you seek you will find. It has come to me after years of deliberate searching. Sometimes I would find myself there automatically,
or accidentally but it has taken me till now to know it and bring myself to it intentionally in the face of unwanted circumstances.
As it is, I know that it is just in time and I will absolutely need it! As I found the door, the center, the field of grace,
I told myself that I would never come down. I consider it to be my kingdom, and I am staying put. I am not coming back down
to earth. I will dwell therein and the Kingdom will have no end. I will no longer seek anything in my life, not a job, not
a record deal, not a place to live, I seek only my kingdom and know that all those other things will come to me. "Seek
ye first the Kingdom and all the righteous desires of your heart wil be added unto you." Sunday Jan 3, 2010 I forgot to mention another Jam I attended with my brother Bill! It was awesome, at a little place
in Waukegan on Weds nights, Green Town Tavern I think, on Genessee. Very good, great audience, lots of good Jammers. Its was
great to see my brother and his family and their little girls are growing up so fast. I love you guys! Look forward to seeing
you again soon! Hot pink for Jan.2.2010 Oh Happy Day. I am back in Fl after
a month up in the frozen northland. So nice to see green trees and blue liquid water. I loved loved the snow tho too! I had
a fantastic time. I did so much. I got two day jobs and played in 3 clubs, got booked for money too. I rock. (as a species,
not bragging!) I am proud of myself tho. Sometimes you just have to get up and go, take a risk and take a ride. I had a gas.
I want to thank some great peeps, first my best friend Trish for hosting me. And my sister Dede, for sharing the Holidays
with her sweet family, Brent's Sr, and Junior, Michael and Annie, and sweet Easton, it was awesome to spend so much time with
you all. My new friend, Bo Pirucello, for lending me a SWEET HANSON GUITAR. I loved it. It was a cherry red firenze, I will
post pictures soon. Bo also made sure I made it to my gig downtown during a snowstorm, He picked me up at the train after
all my Northshore friends bailed... (pussies, I would have bailed too, but I am insane). MUCH APPRECIATED... And the worlds
greatest western swing drummer BILLY BOB LINDSLEY for driving me around and beating the skins at the numerous jams we hit.
Thank you so very much! The highlights: Best Jam ever, Monday
nights at Buddy Guy's Legends in Chicago. I didn't know what to expect, I have been to alot of jams, and really its not fair
to say its the best jam ever, cause the jam part of it was so - so, but the bands that hosted, Jimmy Burns band was KILLER.
Best drummer ever, Bryant T and bassplayer E.B., I will be in touch very soon! Jimmy Burns was awesome too, very cool delivery,
very much his own thing and I loved it. The guitar player was good as well. Also Brother John's band kicked some butt. Brother
John is great, and his horn section is righteous. He also has own very distinct voice and style, and I enjoyed it. Not only
a fantastic guitar player, but I am thinking he was even better on piano. Notable
jammers: I was very impressed with Eric "guitar" Johnson. He's the new generation of blues greats, I hope he hits
it big. Excellent entertainer, showman extraordinaire. Inspired and animated, hot guitar licks. There were some really
good horn players that hung out, loved them. Not alot of singers, no chicks to speak of actually and that suprised me. There
is the new black blonde bombshell, (insert name) but she is more of a comedienne than a blues artist. She was very entertaining,
though. And then there was my jam! The first time Billy Bob was
with me, and we did Ode to Billy Joe, and a new one of mine. And the second time I jammed Brother John made me follow Eric
Johnson, who brought down the house. Hmmmm.... that was interesting! There he was all smiles and such, and I crossed the stage
confidently and stuck my hand out and said, "Great job!, Very Nice" . He kinda laughed at me and said, "Thank
you sweetheart" I was glad Brother John gave me the good players, but they were kinda skeptical, the bass player was
a little resistant. I ran a few tunes past him and he was like "no.... no...." but I just kicked it off anyway and
kept him in the pocket. "Blues in D, Blues in A etc." We rocked. I think they were suprised and I always get a kick
out of that. I forget that I am a little old white chick from the suburbs. I don't really think of myself that way at
all anymore. I feel more like just a piece of the whole pie. I feel good. So they must have liked it cause they left me up
there for 3 songs, more than anyone else. I wish I was a lead guitarist, shazaaam. I guess thats what I will be working
on next! So the other cool jam was at Gabes in Highwood. Such
a nice room. The gear belongs to gear guru Gary Gand, who has since turned over running the weekly Jam to Ari Mintz.
The sound is awsome, run by Pat Smilie who also kicks butt Joe Cocker style himself on vocals, and notable players include
Steve Ponti on lead guitar, Ari Mintz on killer bass, and drummer Billy Shafer. Great horn players, Scott Van
Wagner, and a few others I didn't get their names, one was soooo good, trumpet player black guy, wore a pinstripe suit a purple
shirt . MUCH appreciated his talent and wardrobe. Another great thing about the jam at Gabes is the crowd. The are the nicest
people on the planet! So happy and gracious. I really enjoyed singing for them. So I aslo did a gig solo, at a little bar called Lilly's in Lincon Park. I found it on craigslst. Its a cool
hang, very Chicago-ish. The bar is ancient, funky funky, no heat. Brick floor, I am thinking that place must be a hundred
years old. It reminded me of New York, Greenwich Village. The folks were great tho, and I was happy to have my small but attractive
crowd on the snowiest night of in Dec last year in Chicago~! I did good, they asked me back natch. It was
such a treat to go to Chicago, I can't wait to go back. My plans for the near future are to finish the two different recording
sessions I have started here in FL, and then I have a thing in Nashville in Feb to go to, and then I am booking the new version
of my show this spring/summer. God is good. I highly recommend
the book, THE GAME OF LIFE AND HOW TO PLAY IT by Evelyn Scobel Shinn. Best Book Ever! Peaceout...
Today is a very good day! 12/11/09 I am here in Lake Forest IL, my home town. Its snowy and cold! In the teens, but the sun is shining
and the birds are hanging out in the leafless trees, that define my hometown. I am blessed. I have a great friend, my very
best friend in the whole world, Trish Podd who is hosting me. All is well, and the world is a happy place! Happy Weds, Nov 18, 2009 So I am in this place, I have a mission, and there is no stopping me! I can't wait to get out there
and play these new songs. I am selling everything I own and hitting the road. Just me and my guitar. I love Mondays! 11/16/09 I gets to start the week all over again! I have so much inspiration right now! I am hearing all kinds
of stuff in my head, and waking up with crazy good words. Love it. I am happy. There is a longing in my soul tho, but I am
turning it into a heap of gratitude for what I already have and know that soon enough the longing will become the reality.
I know I am on the right path. I think I only have to keep the heart open. Its a different thing, I know I can give MYSELF
what it is that I want. And, I know that since its all good, whatever comes to me with love will be the right thing.
I finally trust my feelings! Today is Saturday Nov 14th, 2009 I am feeling quite pink today! Its a good thing! I had coffee with Emily last night, my very grown
up and happy 17 year old daughter. I was worried about letting her move out, and thought she would probably want to move back
home eventually, but so far so good. I think there is no easy way to leave home when you do, I think that may be a song someday...
"No Easy Way To Go" any whoooo, she is awesome. Happy and beautiful secure and feeling like a million bucks. I can
relate with her, I think I remember feeling all powerful when I officially moved out of my mothers house way back when. I
think too she will move back in, for periods of time thruout her life and thats all good. A very funny footnote: When I asked
her what she was doing (on a friday night) she reported she was doing "her homework" ... go figure. :) Been making home demos, I am locking myself up for at least 8 hours a day everyday and just playing
and singing. I have a great new set of tunes... bla bla bla......Oh how mundane that gets after being stranded on a silent desert
island for years it seems. Now its the new normal. Not a moment too soon. So my gift last night was new shoes for
my kid, two pairs, and a caramel machiato and my gift today? Hmmmmm I think I will pray for world peace. I am crazy grateful
that everything is good. Thank you God. And you know what that means, time to hunker down and get ready... Maybe thats why it is suggested that we not attach ourselves to judgement, for when
we label something, when we stake our flag in the peak of whatever mountain of belief that we have climbed, we claim it in
favor of our ego, and then of course the Universe will say, "Excuse me, but who in the hell do you think you are to have
the audacity to claim you know anything about anything?" Today is Tues, Nov 10, 2009 Its important to remember that underneath it all, we are good. There is no life that is not good.
All life is good at its lowest common denominator. Success is living a life that is uncluttered by obstacles to that goodness.
Herein lies faith. You must have faith because underneath it all, the fear, greed, lust, hunger, pain, sorrow, insecurity
when you take away all the pollution that comes from man you are left with that lowest common denominator, life which is good.
Life which is what we really are. So I am remembering that today
and I am betting on it. I am passing that on as a gift to anyone who reads this post. Know that you are good underneath it
all, the very essence of you cannot be anything but good. Its how we come into this world and its how we leave. It is the
spark of life. So I am writing a heck of alot! Another new one came to me in the morning and I stayed with it in my head
in the predawn hours a few days ago and wrote it. I got up and got a pen and paper, and that was my gift. Its very good. Its
a winner. I love it! I am grateful. Its not my imagination,
its hard to record these days! I guess I took it for granted, or maybe I was just a better recording artist when I made the
last cd. It seemed pretty effortless. Of course I was working with the best of the best, and now that I think of it, I had
to go thru 3 different studios to get what I really was looking for and I had to trash a bunch of work that was paid for,
so I guess now that I think of it I am on par.... :) Whew! I
was getting concerned! I love my new songs soo much. And technology and sounds are so much better now than the last cd. But
I am still good with "Every Beat..." I did a good job on it and it still stands up. I am also blessed that it is
still current as far as format, so its all good. This new one is way different. Much better written in my mind, and I think
its more me directionally. It is not mainstream country. Its americana, blues and folk and pop. Just exactly where I want
to be. I am loving it. I really believe its going to be way better than Every Beat, which is saying alot because that record
kicked ass and got me tons and tons of work. Of course my personal
life is crazy. The kid moved out today, and in with a family in Fort Walton Beach. High drama, which I hate, but its her life
and she is 17. I am not going down any more dark and spooky rabbit holes filled with drama. I told her good luck, and I am
here if and when she needs me. I pretty much left home at 15 after my father died. My house was nuts, my mom had 6 teenagers!
Holy smokes I can't even imagine what that would be like! But anyway today was a hard day. I am emotionally exhausted and
kinda sad. But like I said, underneath it all its all good! I believe she will be fine, they are nice folks and its good for
her to get out and see the world and start to test her wings. I love her a ton and she knows it! I am blessed. I am
grateful. Monday Nov 9, 2009 Horrible Day! The kid has skipped school the last two days. I kept my cool but lets just say that
I am the only one besides the cat that kept a lid on it. Horrible night. No details, just insert one spoiled teenager, and
stir. So my give for the day was a jar of homemade jelly made by Bob Windsor, to my lucky friend Marlaise. (Told ya, my friends
were gonna clean up!) Oh and we had a tropical storm. IDA Sunday Nov 8th 2009 Today is my 3rd b-day in sobriety! Such a nice day. I am blessed. Lets see, fridays big give
was two tangerines and a 4 x 6 painting by my sis to my friend Marlaise, and then saturday was a painting by me with a saying
from Wayne Dyers book, "Excuses Begone" , the saying was "Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile"
to my friend Lisa. Man I will tell you what, my friends are gonna clean up on this 29 day gift giving thing! I may have to
alter the plan here and make an attempt to give to strangers. Writing
again, woke up with a really really nice one I have it pretty much done... rolling along I am again blessed with inspiration,
friends and a nice family and a nice little spot on earth to live. All is well. God bless you everyone. Today is Friday Nov 6th, 2009 So my big give yesterday turned out to be a homemade granny smith caramel apple to one of Emily's
friends, Ryan. He loved it. Hmmm what to give today! Today is Thursday Nov 5th. What am I? A human reading Eckhart Tolle! I am in here somewhere! Not my head, in particualr, I think
I am where ever I feel myself at that moment. All over the place more than likely. Intuition tells me not to get to
focused in any one area, but to hang lose and be available for life to live me today. I didn't sleep at all last night. Feeling bad about Greg. I am tired of carrying this on tho! I am
tired of being the cheerleader. I want to move on. There is just too much thats different between us. I put up with him, he
puts up with me, is that what its all about? Just putting up with each other? He really doesn't appreciate me at all. I do
appreciate him, but I can't be the emotional punching bag. Thats not my purpose. He needs to grow up. I do too. No doubt.
Nobody's perfect. But I think our age difference is pretty impossible to manage right now. Having gone thru alot more than
him, I see there is no reason to worry about anything. I think thats attractive to younger men, but is it worth the hassel
of having to live that again and again every day? When will he get it for himself? I got it already. There is nothing worth
irritating yourself into a worried frenzy about. NOTHING! So
when I thought more about it I thought I should apologize and forgive him for shoving his worries and hellfire on me. But
he was gone to work already. What will I give today? Its day
3 of the 29 gifts in 29 days thing.... something more obvious, something intentional... I will have to think about it a little
more! Purple for Weds, Nov 4, 2009 So today is day 2 of the 29 gifts giving challenge. I just gave little things today... I gave my
daughter the car to drive to school, I walked to the grocery store and pharmacy, bought a green tote bag for my purchases,
and really enjoyed my walk. It was really nice. The day was bright and sunny, crisp and dry... beautiful colors. I gave my self a good long break from stress, and stayed focused on only today. while I walked,
I heard music in my head. Its a new song that I am worknig on. I
spent the day researching college for my girl, culling information on financing, communicating with her dad over emails about
what he thinks, where she should go... I did my usual
work out routine, and when Em came home I took her to pick up some job applications. Then I made a really nice dinner. Shells
and italian sausage and a ceaser salad. Hot bread. I gave Emily my undivided attention during dinner, which takes practice,
and I was reminded of all the nights I worked while she was growing up. I felt grateful to have this time to have dinner with
her. It was a great day until Greg came home. He is constantly
stressed. I think I have figured out that we are going to have to split up. I can't deal with his stress. He blames me for
adding to his stress. Not good, not healthy. Not fun. I would rather just move out and pick my own things to worry about (Nothing!).
And so I have researched what it breaks down to, and I think its the right thing to do. I would rather pay all my own bills and believe it or not its cheaper if we split up. I would rather
pay my own bills and not have to deal with him at all. added
later: My last give of the day was a call to my friend Lisa. I felt that was an easy give. My gift was affirmation of her
affirmations, encouragement and moral support. This is a nice color for today, Tues Nov
3rd, 2009! I have joined a new group, the 29gifts.org thing.
Go to www.29gifts.org and just sign up! My friend Lisa told me about it last night. God Bless her! And Everyone! So I see how my faith will be tested now. I need to give up all my fears and insecurities about what
I think I need in life and just BE here NOW. It takes practice, and when I slip, it puts me right back into fear and paralyzes
me. I am so tired of that so I am now surrendering again. It means to give everything unquestionably all the time, and to
seek only for the better of all mankind. Not for myself. Humbly grateful for all that I see. On my walk today it occured to
me to be the mirror itself, not the man in it. To be the mirror is to see the beauty in life all around me and reflect it
back. Thats what gratitude is anyway isn't it?! No more testing, just walking, being and living in total faith. Its like I
have learned how to walk, so why do I still crawl? Today is Nov 2, 2009 There is something going on. No sleep for me last night. Yes, the day yesterday was a hard one. Its
always hard marking the anniversary of a tragedy, as in the loss of my sis. But it carried on into a hard night. I was very
irritable. Short with Em, she was slipping backwards into teenage yuckdom, and I am so ready to jump forward in life. Could
be the moon, Full tonight. I am a moonperson. Re working my program, picking up 3rd year chip next sunday... gearing into
year end, holidays have been better in my childhood days. I am working on manufacturing better holiday experiences for me
and those around me. OK enough enough enough! I am going to have a great week! I am playing at Funky Blues Shack in Baytowne
tonight, I am excited! I have more new songs! Can't wait to throw down! Its a beautiful day today, clear blue low humidity
mid 70's here! All week is gonna be perfect weather wise! Thinking
about Chicago again... yup! Open house for Columbia College is this weekend, we'll see. I would love it if Em would do that.
What else! I am thinking about going on a songwriters trip in
Dec, to Costa Rica. Its a perfect thing, Three of my favorite writers are doing a yoga retreat... how awesome is that! And
its affordable. Stay tuned for that one! So there is something
coming, its time to test my faith again I can feel it. After all what good is faith if you never use it?! Today is Nov 1, 2009 One year ago I lost my Libby. She died in NM of ovarian cancer. I am sad. She was awesome. I will
try not to get too bogged down, got to keep on going in this life, in this NOW. She was a painter, a fine arts master artist,
and I am blessed to have a nice collection of her work. It hangs all over my house, and I have alot in storage too. At the
breakfast table yesterday morning, over banana french toast and bacon, I explained to my teenage daughter how your life is
life a work of art. How you live, where you live, how you look, how you keep your house, is all determined by your own choices.
Like brush strokes, there is no right way or wrong way, you live your life. She is making her way thru her senior year, and
I am looking at all these years in pictures... kindergarten, third grade, Christmas at Grandma Jeans house, Honey, my sister's
kids, sixth grade soccer, girl scouts, the boat races, our farm in Tennessee, the beach... braces, band practice, and its
all a whirlwind. I need to pull it together. Its going so fast. I am concerned about her future, but its ok. I know that everything
is in Gods good and perfect hands and we are all moving to the rhythm of His grace. I used to tell her how perfect she was,
that god created her perfectly and she could do whatever she dreamed. I need to remember that more NOW. Stay in NOW. So I had a really really nice gig last week! It was a private party in Santa Rosa Beach, at a beautiful
house on Little Redfish Lake. The lake is a little fresh water lake with a strip of white sand that separates it from the
Gulf, its really something! I was set up in a little grove of scrub oak, with a string of little white lites in the trees,
very whimsical, hmmm how do you spell that~! My guitar amp blew first thing, but it was ok, I brought good pa and just went
direct. It was quite spectacular if I don't say so myself. I pretty much sailed thru it and soared quite a bit. I was focused
in a timeless space. I will never forget. In the zone I guess. Nice party, nice folks. It reminded me alot of that movie "The
Shift" by Wayne Dyer... just had that feel to it. Thanks to Nan Sroufe, and Lois and Bill Crane for having me.
They have an awesome life. Artful indeed. I felt very blessed to be
a part of it. I bow to love I used to beg to know.
Today
is Tues, Oct 13, 2008 Yesterday I drove with Emily to FSU in Tallahassee. We met with a few professors in the music theory department and
had the most pleasant of exchanges. It was very informative and useful. Of course for Miss Emily gathering information and
using interview skills is essential, but also for me, the process of preparing to let go is valuable. You see I took her to
a college night at the local community college where all the colleges and universities had their reps, and brochures, and
I almost completely lost it. That was a suprise! We have both looked forward to this part of our journey together but now
that its here, I am freaked out. Its going to be a thing, just like losing the dog! One morning I will wake up and she will
be gone, hopefully not too far away! Anyway I am getting into practise mode, with her. We will make several trips and look
at schools and then by this time next year God willing she will be in college. I really like FSU, the professors were
really great that we talked to, but its a big school and I am wary of that for my precious. I am also really wanting to check out Chicago, and possibly France
or New York. LOL! For real... I met an artist the other day who has a foundation in France and he takes on apprentices, I
could see that for Emily, she is a budding artist and musician, and she would benefit from a small guided experience in France,
that would be absolutely perfect for her. She is at a crossroads, she will be fine I know, its all good. She is also thinking
about modeling, and she has the physique and talent for it... I can see that she will have an exciting life! Today I am grateful for
the life that lives me, and I feel perfectly at home, at home! I am going to go work out, and write today, and do some chores.
No plans for tonight. Today is Sunday Oct, 11, 2009 What a great day! My friend and sponsor Lisa picked up her 15 year chip this morning! AWESOME! We
went to Busters. Great way to start the day. I am so grateful to know her and to be a part of that community. Very good meeting,
met some awesome people today too! Then home to do laundry, dishes,
and practice a little, I am playing tonight at Cabana Cafe. Gonna play some new songs for a live recording.... YAY!
I also fixed up Fudge's grave a bit, mixed in some portting soil with the sand and planted some wildflower seeds, painted
the wooden cross that Greg put there with his name. Its a happy little corner of the garden now. I miss him! Then me and Lisa went to the beach. We do live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. Just
wanted to share my beautiful day, and say YAY what a gorgeous day. Today is Thurs Oct 8, 2009 I buried my dog this morning. I knew this day would come, and so it did. He was 15 years old. He was a great great
dog. I am so happy that he waited for me to be with him when he died. We spent the day yesterday cleaning out the garage.
He was old, but good. He had a little trouble getting up sometimes, but yesterday he was just fine for a 15 year old dog,
thats 94 in Dog years? He watched me drag everything out of the garage, and climb up on the ladder and lift heavy boxes, and
sweat. He liked it when I dragged that old carpet out of there, cause it was NASTY! I swept and sorted and dumped stuff out
all day long, and he wandered around with me just happy to be with me! I have
been having coffee with him this past few mornings, usually I just check his water and pat him a few times and head off into
my day. I wondered how it would go, I didn't want to have him suffer and get really horrible, and incontinent, and really
he didn't. I couldn't take the dog hair any more, he shedded unbelievably, and I am allergic. So I had banished
him to the back yard and the garage for the past month. I felt bad about that, but the alternative was really bad for me.
He was horribly stinky, and had a licking problem and really really bad breath. But he was the best dog in whole
world. He really loved us. We really loved him too. His death was good. He was
already in agonal breathing when I found him this morning. His heart was pounding in his chest, he was laying in the sand
next to the hole that he had dug for himself a month or so ago. He couldn't lift his head and his breathing was labored
and slow, in tandem with his pounding heart. I sat with him, and we shared a tear filled two hours of praying, crying
and singing. I told him what a great dog he was. I wasn't sure how long it would take, but I knew that I wouldn't be able
to lift him into the car. And I knew that this was his time. I dedicated this day to being with him no matter how
long it would take. Eventually his heart beat slowed, and his breathing stopped. I am not sure if his heart had
stopped too, but he tried to keep breathing, he couldn't open his throat muscles, he couldn't use his diaphragm, but he did
try, he showed me how precious life is. Even at the very end, he didn't want to go. He wagged his tail a little, and he shuddered
a few times. I held him and soothed him, and watched him let go. I have not ever seen that before. I missed my mom's death
and my sisters death. It was peaceful tho. He went home to God. I am grateful that he was with me all these years. He was
the very best dog ever. I got the shovel and finished the hole he had started
and laid him to rest. Good bye my friend Fudge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUMtI0-cJRU Hello Wolrd! Today is Weds, Oct 7, 2009 I am happy
today! Had a great recording session yesterday at Playground! A new song always lifts my spirits!! Its working I think...
all this positive thinking! It must I say it must! And it does. I found myself sitting on the couch in the control room...
Wow! Let me rephraze that! I put myself on the couch in the control room and had the awareness to prepare myself for
a successful result. I stoppped the negative tapes from even being cued up. I admitted to myself silently that this is what
I do, this is who I am, and I am ready to accept praise gracefully, and just let Gods love flow thru me. NEXT....!;) This is a nice color! Today is October 6, 2009 in case you were wondering! So... I played at Funky Blues Shack in Baytowne last night. I got invited to their open mic in a bulk
myspace invitation and decided since I hadn't been out there that I would check it out. It was very cool. The stage is nice,
big and high, great sound system. Its really really appreciated when bar owners put top facilities in their establishments
for us players. That right there is a good enough reason for me to go out and play. So thank you Chuck! I enjoyed my eight
or so song set. Me and Ben took turns chopping thru originals in a guitar pull kind of way, while the bar started
to fill up with other players.I did good. I noticed the kitchen staff popping their heads out the kitchen door to see
who I was, thats always a good sign. I loved it. I was very comfortable, and centered in myself. I felt like a soldier again,
out on the front lines or working in the trenches. My voice and style were well recieved and I was happy to be there. Ben
Friedman, the host, was very nice and accompanied me on his electric and I played his Taylor. I played two new songs, "Bird
in my Ribcage" and "Somebody Waiting"...they went over very well. Did a slowed down version of "Talk
to Me" which I have not recorded yet, and it was very cool. After a while I felt like a stage hog, so
I retired to a stool in the back for a song or so and let the youngins do their thing. After all thats what its all about
anyway! They are so cute. I forget how old I am. They must really be freaked out by this fifty year old lady who gets up and
basically blasts thier doors off. I hope its not humiliating. But if it is, God knows I have been humbled way down myself.
I am at this point of my life as a matter of fact. Its almost borderline humilating that I even go to open mics, but I DO!
And the reason I do is cause I get asked to, and I can do whatever
the heck I want to and leave whenever I want. Yesterday
was a day of sticking up for myself. Several people tried to rain on my parade, and altho I am not yet able to just let it
roll off with a peaceful zen like forgiving smile, I didn't take it into my psyche. I will not let anyone influence my opnion
of myself or where I am at NOW in my life. So. I notice what they say, and I respond by ignoring them or hanging up on
them, or in emails I state my case as any ordinary deserving human being. Any way it didn't feel bad at all. I
felt absolutely nothing but protective of my self all day. I guess it didn't feel bad cause I didn't allow their negative
comments any power. I said, "Nope, not gonna go there today!" I
don't know what tomorrow will bring, but thats ok. I trust that its gonna be good. We live in a rich textured world, and I
have been thru alot of down stuff, so of course the good stuff will come around again. It was a good day! I worked out, came home and recorded a new somg on my computer in just a few takes.
Drove the kid to school for her last period class (!)I got meyself to a job interview, I know that is the wrong thing to do
but I did it for everyone else. I got there late tho and they wouldn't interview me! I am hopeless in that department! So
I went home and did laundry, vacuumed and mopped the floor. Made dinner and then went out to play. Sorry folks, but I just can't drag myself to get a job. I am what I am. I am not a waitress anymore,
I am not going to manage a clothing store, work in retail or whatever. I know what I am and I am not that. God will find me
a way to support myself and my kid. Besides, she's old enough to get her own job now, and if she wants minutes for her cell
phone, or make-up or new clothes she will have to do that. I am providing the basics with Greg and Gods help, and thats truly
all I can manage.
Today is Tues, Sept 29, 2009 I had a great session at Playground Recording Studio yesterday... layed down the "road maps" for two new
songs with Clayton and Jim Lancaster in the control room. I also brought in my drive with lots of stuff on it. It is looking
real good for a new cd to come out of this hopefully by spring! I think its gonna be great, happy to be in a cool place in
all respects, physically, musically and spiritually... Soul City... hmm might
have to write that one! From the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, pg 68: "So do not be concerned with the fruit of your action - just give attention to the action itself.
The fruit will come of its own accord. This is a powerful spiritual practice. In the Bhagavad Gita, one of the oldest and
most beautiful spiritual teachings in existence, nonattachment to the fruit of your action is called Karma Yoga. It is described
as the path of "consecrated action". When the compulsive
striving away from the NOW ceases, the joy of Being flows into everything you do. The moment your attention turns to the NOW,
you feel a presence, a stillness, a peace. You no longer depend on the future for fulfillment and satisfaction - you don't
look to it for salvation. Therefore you are not attached to the results. Neither failure nor success has the power to change
your inner state of Being. You have found the life underneath your life situation."..... This is a nice color! Today is Sunday Sept 27, 2009 What a
rollercoaster ride this week has been. I am rock and rolling. I will share that its my work to be aware of my thoughts ALL
THE TIME. That is a FULL TIME JOB. I am at war with my inner tape recorder, I wish I could just toss it out the window. I
think it will stop if I continue to be vigilant about my awareness of the seemingly constant dialogue of excuses that run
on in my head. If I want to be lived by Gods love and abide in it always, I have to be aware of when I drop the ball mentally
and just let my thoughts drift off into the past, and the old tapes start rolling. I also have to be mindful not to let the
future come in like the boogey man and threaten to steal my peace. NO ONE CAN TAKE YOUR PEACE. Its like my blanky, and I will
not give it up. Its truly amazing! Once you get a little taste
of awareness and your own value to the universe, you will be tested. The old addage is true, "God will not give you more
than you can handle". We are on a never ending expansion track. God just keeps giving us more and more. I am grateful
for the good and the bad, to learn and to grow and cherish and to teach what I learn, to just be a part of the whole enchilada. HAPPY MONDAY!!! Sept 21, 2009 Today I am having a great day! Hope you do as well! Thought for the day click HERE Monday Sept 14, 2009 So yesterday we went to the beach. It was the most beautiful day. I continued my practice from the day before. It
went very well yesterday I might add... I stayed in my conscious practice of love and energy emanating from my heart into
every moment that I could possibly stay aware of. I realized that there were two levels of consciousness relating to this
practice. One is physical, the awareness of the posture of my body. The other is mental, the awareness of the flow of
love, the mindful direction of love energy. As I practiced, I noticed that the two steps merged into one.
The awareness of my posture, became the precursor to the awareness of my energy flow. In other words, just by reminding my
body to sit up straight and project my heart the awareness of the reason behind this action was automatic. The result was
the same without having to remind my self to send love energy. Simply by maintaining my posture, my reaction from the natural
world was the same. I discovered this at the beach yesterday with Greg. He has
the absolute worst posture in the world. His shoulders are always in a permanent c curve, and his energy is low and depressed.
I have pleaded with him many times to straighten up and this day I decided to show him what I had been doing. I told him about
my day the day before, and he was open to practicing. So there were were walking down the beach, both with our hearts out
front, and shoulders dropped, erect posture. It was pretty amazing. Every person we passed smiled and said hello! He
was impressed. We laughed about it and continued on in our practice. Last night when we were getting ready for
bed, he came out of the bathroom with his shoulders back and his heart out front and he looked like a completely different
person. He knew it too, he smiled. I have to say that after one day of using
those weak posture muscles in my back I woke up with a back ache. I noticed that the ache was worse when
I did not sit up straight. It is as tho the use of these muscles pulling my spine into alignment is now the most comfortable
way for me to posture myself. After only one day, which wasn't even a fully completely conscious day, meaning I was probably
only aware of my posture for less than ten percent of my day, my body prefers this alignment. Two days ago my "natural
alignment" was poor posture, resulting in low energy and non awareness of love in my life. Two days later my awareness
of my heart, and its love energy has changed my life. My posture, and even my muscles in my core are all actively engaged with
the natural world around me with one solitary focus, and that is to send the love energy inside me centered in my heart area
to all the natural world all around me. Its truly amazing. Can it be so very simple? Its my extreme pleasure to test
and document this theory and report my experience! I am happy to say that I believe it to be true! Here is a quote: "Seek joy first and all of the growth that you could ever imagine will come joyously and abundandlty
unto you." Sat. Sept 12, 2009 this morning I started my day with yoga. About twelve minutes into my practice I got an overwhelming urge to go for
a walk. So I did! It had been raining, which is why I did yoga instead. But right then it was not raining and it was quite
pleasant outside so off I went. I ran a little, walked alot, until I was a little tired. I am not in the best of shape
physically right now. I have been skipping yoga, and I am no longer working except for on my music and around the house, plus
I have not smoked for three months. So when the bod tells me to go for a walk, I go! It has cooled off a little and you can feel fall in the air. Its very subtle here, but more noticiable when it has
rained. Our Florida landscape just loves the rain. You can see how happy the plants and animals are when it rains. We really
really need it. All of life here in FL needs rain. Every bit of life attached to the sand, the plants, the birds, the bugs
the animals, and us as well. I really enjoyed the plants as I walked beside them on my way. I made my way briskly to a little
park off of Main Street, where there is a little pier. I walked out and sat on the bench. I kept my yoga posture, and
was gently reminded of a few things. I wish to be lived by this life. Its such
a remarkable journey. I wish to be used by God's will and God's love. I remembered my trip to Chicago and how practicing loving
really made a huge difference in my life. It was the first time I had ever consciously bowed to the feelings of happiness
within me, and just let them go toward whomever I was with. It had a real physical effect, an undenyably obvious effect on
people, and I decided to spend this day practicing loving the world and everything in it. As I sat on the bench on the pier,
the moment I made this conscious decision, the fish started jumping. I laughed and was reminded of Saint Francis of Assisi,
and the stories I had heard about how his joy was felt by wildlife, and the wild life would flock to him. As I sat there,
the birds that I had startled off by my arrival returned and got back to their noisy hunting in the shallow reed filled
waters surrounding the pier. Sitting there quietly, just loving everything around me, I notice that it is time to go now. So I get up and I
walk towards my home. As I am walking the rain begins to resume. I hear it first, I don't feel it! I hear it hitting the leaves,
the sidewalk, the trees etc, and I think, hmmmm... I would like to feel the rain now too, and then I do. I asked the
rain to fall on me too, it immediately does. I am still in my practice. As I pass other joggers on the street, they
smile and say hello. The cars that pass me actually wave at me, I am not kidding! I am walking home and consciously practicing
being led by my heart. I have asked my heart to lead me, to enter every space in front of me before I physically enter that
space. It was quite pleasant. I feel the air cool down even further and I am so grateful. This is much better than doing yoga
in my little spare bedroom, even tho I do have it set up nicely and have a great new chinese bamboo flute and bird song music
to practice to. This is much better, walking among the living, the natural world. I am being used by life.
Thurs, Sept 10, 2009 Last night I went to the jam at Bluz in Destin. Its my Weds night thing to do and its looking like
its becoming alot of Destin folks Weds night thing to do! I like to think, in fact I know its because of the social networking
we are doing on Facebook, in tandem with Michael Loftis Photography. Of course the entertainment is the attraction, but dang
if promotion really doesn't have a whole ton of what to do with how fast it catches on and how big the crowd gets! The great
thing is, that this has started organically. With the right talent in the right venue and in the right spot here on Earth.
I think its gonna get even bigger. I am proud and happy to be a part of it! I
was late getting there last night as it seems that the only night of the week that my teenage daughter wants to talk to me
is of course Weds night. Hmmmmm.... Murphy's Law?! Probably its something more sinister like her brain picking up signals
that Mom is actually doing something... what can it be? "She's taking a shower! She's putting on hip clothes, sometimes
mine... she's actually putting on make-up... I have to get in there and get in her face and participate in some way.... yeah....
I need to talk about going off to college next year.... what do I want to be.... I need to talk about homework....I need to
talk about Art, Music, Math, the movie I saw last weekend, my friends.... I need bla bla bla bla bla bla...." Aren't
I terrible? But its for real. She has no use for me at all any other day of the week, except when I have somewhere to go.
I am over compensating a bit tho. I do spend Wednesdays doing chores and cleaning, cooking and making up for the fact that
I AM GOING OUT TONIGHT TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO for a change. LOL So
I was pretty late. When I got there Gwen Hall and Kathy Lyon, my soul sisters were up on stage, with a new sister! She is
beautiful. Her name is Joyce Ann. The place was full as well. Biggest crowd in a while, like I said a little PR
goes a long way. The usual suspects participating in the jam... Ed Mo hosting, pumping a blue fender bass, Fritz in a seventies
get up. I think he was wearing his Dad's shoes. They matched his Hawaiian shirt. They were snakeskin multicolored with tassles.
Fritz's Dad was a very cool cat. At first I thought they were cowboy boots, but that is something you would never see on Fritz.
They were long square toed. I was sure they were boots until the tassles popped out. Then they screamed 70's loud and clear. Snakeskin, tassles, yellow, orange and brown hmmmm. Ever since Michael Loftis started snapping away
with his camera every Weds night at Bluz, the place has really put on its shine. The girls are dressing up, even I am wearing
makeup on Weds nights. The jammers are puttin on the ritz. Cool hats, sparkly shirts and snakeskin shoes. Its kinda fun! I opened the second set with a song that is banned from the club at the owners request!!
There is actually a laminated sign on the stage next to the board with a list of songs that are not allowed. I kicked it off
by saying, "Boog" (thats the owners name), "this one's for you!" and we launched off into Mustang Sally.
The crowd jumped and the dancefloor filled and Boog and the bar tenders groaned, but it was appropriate in my humble opinion. We
had Fly on sax and Tom on the hammond, a great drummer of course Ed mo and Fritz, its a blues jam, folks want to dance. Girls
want to shout "ride Sally ride" and shake their asses in their tight sparkly get ups, I mean lets get real! The
crowd dug it and thats what I'm there for. Its not fun unless its fun. Especially coming up from a break, you have to do something
to get the party started... :) Boog forgave me, I think. I mean
he didn't run me out of the place. Next we did Tupelo Honey. Beautiful song, Fritz sang it and me and Fly did the BGV's
and it was sweet as honey from a bee. Then we ended with Dear Prudence, just cause me and Fritz sing great harmonies and its
a total feel good tune. I was happy. Fly Dent, thats his
real name, played the snot out of his sax. He is a master and treated us to a scorching sax slam cover of Mister
Magic. And of course my new favorite man, Lynwood Cherry came out from behind the drums and did an awesome version of
"Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone". He is such a showman. Kathy
and Gwen did alot of singing this week, making up for MIA Ike Barkley.... they were smokin' hot as usual.
And our newest diva soul sister Miss Joyce Ann, did a SWEET version of God Bless the Child, an old Billie Holiday song. She is
so beautiful and strong and crystal clear and sweet in her delivery and the band tip toed right behind her
and sealed it with a big fat kiss in a solid ending punctuated by our new songbird's blushing flight
from the stage to a big happy round of applause from the patronage. She made pappy Ed Mo proud as he announced it was her
first time to the jam. The end of the night was Ronnie Sessum
with a few players he brought in from Panama City. He has a record out now on Blues Destiny Records, a local label owned and
produced by David Cox of Destin Recording. What a range of talent we have here in our little town. Its very cool. Yeah, its
small but there is definitely something for everyone. Ronnie is our resident guitar feedback behind the head, whammy bar guy
who looks really cool on stage and actually has a sound of his own. Its refreshing to see a place that nurtures the artist
within us all, giving us a place to go and play and grow and mature and maybe just shake your sparkly ass. There was a girl
with a tiara on, that counts for something too I think. There were a few folks shooting video as well. I would not be surprised
if Bluz Weds nite Jam becomes a real You Tube sensation. Also
I have to mention that Boog is the coolest owner operator! He was running the stage lights last night too, and actually
hand held a huge multicolored laser spot on the dancefloor at one point. The moment was mesmerizing! Hey the
food is pretty good too. I saw Boog deliver an "all white" pizza to Michael Loftis at my table, it looked and smelled
delicious! Oh and Boog, I do apologize for Mustang Sally, but there is no excuse for flashing the stage with your "Boog"
scrawled briefs at the end of the night. I guess tho, that if we didn't do Mustang Sally maybe you wouldn't have had the opportunity
to show us your butt with that new underwear labeled in bright blue beachy walmart T-shirt fashion at just
the right point in time that evening! It was almost as mesmerizing as the fantastic lighting display!
Tues Sept 8th, 2009 So tomorrow is 9/9/09 Awesome! Must be aware of my 9's tomorrow! Its
my brothers b-day too (tomorrow)... we just made a quick trip up to Atlanta where he lives. It was nice to see him. He is
taking care of my sisters business affairs since she passed away so we went thru some stuff... I am putting together a nice
art collection to take out west in a few weeks to show her work and interview some of her friends and fellow artists, I am
going to write a book about the collection of work that I have. A little companion book to go with the show, with sales going
to ovarian cancer research and also to the Art Students League of Denver. I won't be selling any of the artwork, just promoting
it. I may also do the same for my other brothers and sister down the road, help them put their collections in order and research
each painting and write a companion book to go with the art.... sounds like a fun thing to do. I love to travel! Oh I am so excited about my new songs, and about getting back into the studio! Crazy good fun and fine work to be
done! Feeling like me, the real me, the me under neath the me... :) No more
worries, just happy happy. Happy to be here and have a passion. Grateful and enthused, smiling on the inside! Aug 28, 2009 I love my life! I worship at my temple on long walks on the beach, and while I am swimming in the gulf. I revel in
the miracles that come to me everyday that I am still here when alot of my friends and family are not. I don't waste time
wishing for what could be... I put it out there and if it happens I am thrilled. If not, I accept it and I move on. There
is too much goodness and happiness in my life thankfully, for me to get bogged down too long on the other side. When challenges
arise I seek to learn from them. I don't wish anyone anything but love. Yes I get down, but not for long. And I have learned
how to get myself back up again! I feed the happy healthy wolf inside me and pet her. The lonely and frustrated wolf does
get my love too, I love her but I let her know that I prefer her happy sister wolf, and most times she lays down beside me
on her best behavior, she rolls over and begs for me to scratch her belly. I give in, but only after she understands that
she has everything she needs to be happy and healthy right inside her already.
Aug 28, 2008 I just love her! I can't wait to read the new book, "the Vortex". I am also always rereading the Power
of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and here is an except that I just LOVE LOVE LOVE...... enjoy! From the Power of Now pg 68: "So do not be concerned with thte
fruit of your action - just give attention to the action itself. The fruit will come of its own accord. This is a powerful
spiritual practice. In the Bhagavad Gita, one of the oldest and most beautiful spiritual teachings in existence, nonattachment
to the fruit of your action is called Karma Yoga. It is described as the path of "consecrated action". When the compulsive striving away from the NOW ceases, the joy of Being flows into everything you do. The moment
your attention turns to the NOW, you feel a presence, a stillness, a peace. You no longer depend on the future for fulfillment
and satisfaction - you don't look to it for salvation. Therefore you are not attached to the results. Neither failure nor
success has the power to change your inner state of Being. You have found the life underneath your life situation."..... It goes on and its well worth reading, but without reading any of the book, out of context I am afraid I would not
be inspiring the interest it deserves. The next few paragraphs tho sum it up completely and I am reading them every day!!
Another thing I am doing is greeting the day each day as suggested by Deepak Chopra in his book,
The Book of Secrets. Its a practice that many people around the world do... before dawn in alot of cases, before the day actually
starts or as the day is starting. If I am lucky (and I have to admit I am pretty darned lucky!!) I wake up just before dawn
and I am glad to greet the day. I lie in my bed and listen to the sounds. The silence... and I sit with this brand new day
just being born and I welcome it! I don't think about anything at all, just how great it is to be here with the start of a
brand new day! Who knows what the day will bring! I listen to the birds waking up, and I see the first light of dawn and just
say thanks for another beautiful day! I don't worry about anything, I stay in the NOW, and stay in the empty moments just
before anything happens at all and I know that all is well, and I feel like I know a GREAT BIG FAT SECRET! Its a nice way
to start your day! Thurs
Aug 27th, 2009 Bluz Grill &
Bar 11225 US Highway 98 E Destin Florida 32550 (in the Copper Grill Complex) 850-424-5980 Check out the website at www.bluzdestin.com Monday Aug 24, 2009 Its the first day of school for Miss Emily! She is starting her senior year YAY! Typically it seems that just when
I am getting it together its almost over... lol! The weather is beautiful. We had a cool front drop down and take away the
humidity, so its perfectly gorgeous out there! Had a nice weekend, cooked with friends and went to the beach all weekend!
I am brown. Got put on a KISS FM thing... coolness! I love KISS FM!
I sent that in last November, and it just showed up. Funny how that works! Its like it was there all along, front to back,
beginning to end, start to finish... http://www.kiss1035.com/new2/artists/i/216111?psid=267465 so thats cooool.... Things are rolling along, been
shedding with some new tunes. Shared them with some folks over the weekend, and also ran them past some studio types, all
is well and good. I have to buckle down and go ahead and commit to recording them... This
time I want a little input. I do have some great ideas, but I want to work with other people. I am leaving room for that to
happen. I am very impatient right now, rip ready to go but not moving... holding back for some reason... I know it will all
come together when its supposed to. Meantime I will just write write write! The new stuff is AWESOME< not really country
much more POP, Adult Contemporary... sorta John Mayer ish, Bonnie Raitt, Sheryl Crow ish.... organic. Definitely not meant
for country radio... Sorry! No its not accoustic belly button lint girl singer/songwriter, its more James Taylor meets Elvis
Costello woman style. Of course I could be totally off base in my definition, but thats what I think right now, and its still
all in my head. Weds Aug 19, 2009 I forget sometimes and go on autopilot.
Its the most annoying thing. I forget how lucky I am to be here, and how wonderful this world is and how blessed I am that
I have a passion for something. Today I remember all of the above and I am thankful. Grateful. Sunday Aug 16, 2009 Happy Birthday Emily! She's 17 today. Thats unreal but real!! Man what a trip to have a kid 17 years ago... thats
so remarkable. I adore her. One of the few people on earth and yes the one I adore more than anyone else on the planet...
my little bucket head. SO this is the year I HAVE to get it all together... and
thats whats eating me! I have all her toys, homework assignments, momentoes, pictures and yes, even our family dog is still
with me, us, and I have to deal with all of it. Starting with the dog. He is
so loving and such an excellent pet. The best dog ever! We got two of them from Moe West (Dotties son) when we lived in an
old trailer out in the woods 45 miles south of Nashville. We lived on an old country road next to a cemetery. But I will write
all about that later on. We lost one pup to a hit and run driver, I was awakened from a dead sleep and saw it happen in my
mind. This was at dawn on a Sunday morning. I went back to sleep (I have always worked at night) and when I got up I went
out and found him. His name was Sunny. He was a big fluffy yellow lab mutt, and Fudge, his brother saw it happen, and
he was never the same after that... Always a little sad. So anyway Fudge never
ever wandered except for one time. He did get laid. He was gone for about three days once and when he came home, he just rolled
in the leaves, in the autumn sun... all skinny and happy. He was our porch dog, our guard dog, our doorbell. The best
dog ever. Now he is 14 and still the best dog ever, but he has trouble getting
up now, and altho I have taken to letting him in the house for his golden years, he is starting to smell pretty awful. I am
almost certain he is deaf and he is close to being totally blind. He loses his sight when he smells food I know cause he still
goes nuts for handouts. And you can not give him handouts because he will bite your hand off. Not because he is mean, but
because he is a living garbage disposal. He goes nuts around any kind of food. Its so overpowering that he loses sight, and
just sniffs till he finds it. God love him. We all love him. Everybody loves
my dog. He is the best dog ever. I have been blessed with him protecting us for 14 yrs, and his time is close at hand. I think
I will take him to Burger King and then for a swim in the bay this week. He deserves it. Those are two of his favorite things
to do. So I am having to grow up alot too this year. Got to put the dog to sleep,
got to organize a truckload of stuff for Miss Emily and get her into college. That is my wish for her, but she may just decide
to go into music like I did. Jeez, I hope not but its up to her. I am thinking Belmont University in Nashville, she is hoping
FSU, who knows at this point but it weighs on me. Its going to be just as hard on me as it is on her this year. An exersize
in letting go and having big time faith. For the most part she has always been
an extension of me, I have never had to worry. But she is not that anymore, she is most certainly her own self and she is
awesome. I wish I didn't worry about her but I have to work on that BIG TIME! I know she belongs to the Universe and that
she is going to be fine... and she doesn't listen to a word I say anyway... ho
hum She is the best kid ever thats for sure. Sat. Aug 15, 2009 Holy smokes! I got China! I was just checking my stats, and there it was... people in China are looking at my stuff...
awesome. So I put a hello and welcome character on the front page! I sure wish
I could release some new stuff! I have a ton and hope soon to get it out there! Meantime,
just have to settle for my words of wisdom in the form of this here journal.... :) So
the flavor today is this image of making my consciousness softer... an easier climb. No more harsh judgement, rut thinking, frustration. My awareness is soft and calm. "Seek joy first and all the growth that you could ever imagine will come joyously and abundantly unto you"
Love has no definition, it cannot be defined. There is no beginning and
there is no end. No judgement, no expectation. I visualize myself as an instument, like a flute with no top or bottom, just
a tube thru which the stream flows, or like a handle on a zip line.... An easy climb in that I offer no resistance, no thought
of ownership or ego. I seek the stream. When I find it, I allow it to flow thru me and be used by it. An easy climb because
I have dropped all my definitions and so its not a climb at all. When I hold on to the past or have judgements about people,
or things, I am putting roadblocks up, to become obstacles in the flow... and that makes it a climb for the joystream to reach or
use me. So today I am consciously dropping all expectation and just living in the flow. Now all that exists is the real me
and the flow. I am reading The Book of Secrets by Deepack Chopra. I love it! HMMMM
after reading that my first thought is, am I the instrument or am I the stream? OH! Ok, it depends on what I want to be! If
I am asked I am the stream, my reply is "How may I serve you". If I am asking I am the instrument.... (Thats when
the Universe asks me how it may serve me!) awesome! Thurs Aug 13. I am in love with life! Wrote a new song, and played at Bluz with Fritz and Ed MO last night. They are awesome! I
am happy. Went to the beach today with Emily. Lately we've been floating on our yellow raft. We both rest our arms and shoulders
across it and just float. The topic of conversation has been therapy... it has opened a door for discussion and it has really
really helped. She is talking :) !! She knows... we both are a little apprehensive about "launching"
her. She is turning 17 on Sunday and this will be her senior year at Fort Walton Beach High School. Gosh time has just
flown by. Today I said, "Let me practice launching you!" and I slid off the raft and pushed her out to sea! She smiled and tried to climb up on the raft and fell off a few times laughing. Finally she got herself situated
on it and just drifted, eyes closed, under the sun across the emerald waves. I stood by and towed her back out a bit
when she got pulled into the surf and I shoved her back out a little farther. She loved it! She felt very safe and loved and
I just stood by and watched almost sleepily, like a well fed lion keeps a half glazed eye on the horizon. Weds. Aug 12, 2009 Happy Day! I am grateful today! I have made some awesome progress! I am sober for almost three years, I have quit
smoking for over two months, and I am doing yoga three days a week! Thats huge for me, and really for anyone! If I can do
it you can do it too! Yup~ you can change your life! How? I decided that I could, thats how. I
reached the end of one path and changed course. I was sooo ready to get out of the old habit and into the new. The physical
side of it, followed the emotional. The emotional side always comes first. You must make up your mind to change. When
you do that then the physical change comes automatically. And you must truly truly believe that you can do it. It is not difficult.
There is a ton of help out there. Support groups everywhere, yoga classes everywhere... I can do it books everywhere for free
at the library. I have chosen that I do not wish to live in a depressed state, I seek enlightenment. I seek to be useful by
the Universe. How may I serve? Right now I can serve by telling you who are reading this that YES YOU CAN... YOU CAN DO WHATEVER
YOU CHOOSE AND I AM LIVING PROOF! Monday aug. 10th 2009 So happy Monday! went to yoga this morning, it was awesome.
I am grateful for a great yoga class at the beach. Today we had a sub teacher from australia... she was good! After I went swimming in the gulf which was beautiful emeral green and turquoise crystal clear and warm. Spent
a lot of time just floating. I had to crow about how lovely it was! I
came home and wrote a little, and cleaned my kitchen and mopped the floors. Then
I had to grieve a bit about Chicago, had many vivid dreams about the city of big shoulders. I want to cry on those big shoulders
today. I miss it sooo much. My dreams were all about letting the past go... and now I see how wonderful the present is. I
have made it. I am living a charmed life and I am grateful. I will return there someday... hopefully soon and it will be all
brand new for me. No more dreams of trying to find my mothers house, she's been gone for 10 years now... maybe I will set
up my own house... YEAH~! August 6th, 2009 It takes me a few days but I finally figured it out! The feeling that I had last week during a little meditation...
I was just sending love out into the universe. I was focused and just sent love. Its been almost a dream consciousness, this
past few months. Little things appear in front of me and actually knock on my brain like.."HELLO!!" People have
actually put things right in front of me that they could not possibly know on a recognized level, meaning we have never discussed
this thing that I need in my life but here you are putting it right in front of me, and thank you very much! So there's that...
and then the appearance of the feeling of absolute heaven... okok.. so back
to my meditation. I meditate... send love... and then I just exist in nothing.Letting go... No thought, no expectation
almost asleep. And my inner phone rang, and lit me up like a Christmas tree. I actually got much bigger love back. To me this
means that yes, we are all connected. There is no such thing as not knowing, we all know, but some of us are becoming aware
of knowing that we are all one. So I am so grateful for this answer from the Universe and I want to learn how to repeat
it. I want to live in it. A few days after that I experienced this huge awakening
to beauty. I was in New Orleans when it I became aware of it. Totally sober walking down Bourbon Street, and everything became
scintillating. The drunks, the whores, the young folks looking for fun, the doormen, even the buildings. They all started
to glow, in unbelieveable color, like that high def commercial on tv. I experienced it. I mentioned it to my friend
several times, that I couldn't believe how beautiful everything was. This experience hasn't really left me, altho I have become
used to it so its a shift in my level of perception. Now that was almost a week ago... Thats how long it takes me to decode it. I can now name it, as an awakening similar to the experience that Eckhart
Tolle describes in the first chapter of the Power of Now. For me it didn't happen immediately and after re reading the book
a few times, I get that it doesn't always happen right away, and also you may not realize it as what it is. I am just now
documenting it for what it is for the first time. So grateful today that I quit
smoking... that is a biggie. I pray that everyone quits, especially those I know personally. I learned yesterday that a very
good friend died of lung cancer recently and we didn't even know she was ill. It took her within 2 weeks of being diagnosed,
leaving her husband and daughter. Its ok, I know she's in a better place, but my greedy human nature wants everyone to be
with us here all the time in the human form so we can laugh and dance and love our physical lives! REALLY ENJOY BEING HERE
NOW!! That I could finally quit (its been almost two months) is totally awesome. I
need to find another job, or learn how to exist without a real go to work somewhere just for money job. I really think thats
a total waste of time, and I know it in my heart but as the English say, the longest journey is from the heart to the head...
or is it the other way? But honestly... so if it takes me so much time to realize that this is all a trip like Alice in Wonderland...
why does anything have to be a struggle or hard at all. It Doesn't. Its all up to us. It is what it is, and that is exactly
what we MAKE it to be. God I love life. August 3rd, 2009 Hard Journal: 08/03/09 Just got back from a great weekend in New Orleans with my long time friend and musical partner
Mickey Adams. He is so great! He drove from Dallas and me from Destin and we met in the french quarter. I have jammed there
many times, but this was the first time I set out with my car packed with a p.a. in it just to do the french quarter. It was
a gas. I don't think Mickey thought I was serious, but we made it happen. Me, I would have played all day and night but Mickey
gets bored real easy! So we only played a few hours at the most the whole weekend. It was enough tho! He's awsome. Great guitar
player and singer. Knows all the stuff... and then some. He kicked my butt in those two hours. The rest of the time we just strolled
around and talked and hung out. Sight saw, shopped for funny hats and ate. We stopped into Harrahs and he won a little money.
I am happy we did that... it was really fun. Now back
to business! I have got to get it together to record these new songs that are coming to me fast and furious. I
have written like 5 new ones in the last month, and have many more popping up like weeds. No, like wildflowers! They
are all very beautiful and I am inspired. Life is good my friend, and if you don't think so, then you need a dream to pursue,
so that you can see how much the world loves you. July 14, 2009 Today is my birthday. I am officially over the hill... :) Its actually a good thing. No more time wasted accumulating
wealth, trying to manipulate humanity with my charm, wittiness and good looks, no more sweating the small stuff, or big
stuff... If I sweat at all its because I want a work out. A conscious choice for the most part, except for the occasional
hormone deal, when I just accept that and say to myself, this is what it feels like to be moving toward the other side
of that hill and this too shall pass. I have been thinking about who I really am. Not my physical being, but the thing under
that. The thing that makes my legs move, that makes the decisions move my body. I feel like I am finally me, the real me.
No doubt about it. I feel free. Now I see that it was well worth the struggle to find myself, and how cool...here I was all
along! I see too that love has no mirror image. There is no other side to it, it just is.
No more fear that there is not enough. Its kind of like the tooth fairy in that I expect it to be there, under the pillow, but
I don't even have to put a tooth there, its always there. There is no not there. Its a never ending thing, how can there be
an opposite? It is never defined. It just IS WHOA I better lay off the pipe (just kidding!). June 30, 2009 A little more cheeeeeez please! June 29, 2009 Just got back from Chicago and Nashville. Had a great great time. Emily and I drove up to Indiana and she stayed
with her dad for ten days, I went on to Chicago. Then we went to Nashville where I attended a songwriters workshop and we
visited friends. What a wonderful trip! I didn't think it could get any better than my visit to Chicago, but Nashville was
amazing as well. Emily was only 2 when we moved there. We spent 8 years there, and had alot of reminiscing going on. We lived
way out in the country, someday I will write a book about our lives. Now all
her little friends, who I met when they were in diapers, are grown and getting ready to go off to college. Its really something!
We both felt very blessed and grateful for the times we have lived thru and things we did, how we lived, and friends we made.
We stopped in on quite a few. Everyone is happy and healthy and it was uplifting to greet them again! We are happy and healthy
too and I am proud of my girl, even tho its been a rough couple of years (her being a hormonal teenager and all). Of course
she would most definitely say the same, me being mean old mom AND homronal AND a list of many other grievances! But the good
news is that I got to share this journey with my friends and family, all of whom have TEENAGERS. It really really helps to
know that we are not alone, her in her mom hating and me in my frustration. My
music seminar in Nashville was really cool. Met a few good writers, and got reveiwed by 6 different publishers. I put it out
there and got some great feedback. Emily sat in on some of it too and we both learned alot of useful information. Its very
cool to be able to sit with 30 songwriters and pick apart the process, analyze songs and what makes them work in country music...
but at the end of it all we all realize that there is something thats just magic about writing. We all know it comes from
a special place that cannot be analyzed or marketed. Everyone has access to this place, and in my opinion its where creation
exists... so go figure that one out! I feel good today as a writer, and I love
love love writing music. Sunday June 21, 2009 First
official day of summer, I am here in Chicago. Actually in my hometown, Lake Forest. Sooo beautiful. Yesterday me and my best
friend from highschool walked to the beach and sunned for a few hours. I love love love it here. I have missed it all my life
and I want to be here, and hey here I am! Took Em to Indiana to be with her dad, and I am here for 10 days. Then back to FL,
but first a stop in Nashville. New mixes! Hot dog! I dropped in on a friend Jim Tullio at his new studio in Evanston.
Just really wanted to say hello and check him out. He is very cool. I wasn't expecting to do any thing work wise, but his
friend Gaz was there from England, he's an engineer. They are working on the John Martyn tribute record (which is going to
be huge... lots of awesome artists coveriing John Martyn tunes), and as I was leaving they asked if I had any tracks, and
what do you know I just happened to have like a whole catalogue on protools and a drive thingy with even more in
my car. Funny co-incidence, I had given up on getting my catalogue in one place, I have tried many times, but the day I was
leaving FL, I got a call from Dave at Destin Recording and he said he finally got around to dumping all my stuff from the
2" transfers onto the 2nd G-drive thingy that I have dropped off for him. That was freaky. SO... coolness. They mixed
a few tunes. I was so happy I cried, I am a huge baby. I also quit smoking. Got fired from my waitress gig and have to move
by July 5th!...hmmm somethings up with the universe! I love it. Reconnecting with my friends and family here, its been
wonderful. Spent a day at the Art Institute, that made me cry too. Monet, Renoir, Van Gogh. How much I miss culture and beauty.
Been too long with my head in the sand. Wandered thru the beautiful gardens in Millenium Park, did the bean, and the fountain
and wound up at Pizzeria Uno for dinner. I have decided that me and my friends and my sister are a "walking chick
flick"! We all have teenage kids and we are all divorced... have to tune in later for that story! OH! New songs!
I am inspired, can't wait to find a piano, I am sleep writing again. It started a few weeks ago, I actually sometimes wake
myself up singing a new song. Its been so wonderful. Words and music flowing like honey from the bees.... All is well!
FANTASTIC!
I prayed to Him as a little child. I was cold and hungry, I was lost and alone, I had a big
boo-boo and I knew He was disappointed in me, but I crawled back to Him on my hands and knees anyway. I cowered there before
Him just off the prayer rug that His throne is placed upon. I bowed my head and lowered my eyes, and I wept and prayed. I
prayed incessantly, then noticed my breathing. Praying the Lords prayer which has a sequence of meter, in and out. "Our father
who art in heaven" (this was inhaled) "Hallowed be thy name" exhaled. I imagined the cadence of it to match the ebb and
flow of breath, of life, of the sea, of vibratory movement, so above so below. Eventually He came to notice me and he picked
me up as a little child. He put me down on the carpet, facing Him. He told me to stay there on my knees. He told me that
this was a magic carpet and it would take me anywhere and everywhere I would ever want to go. But I had to stay on my knees
in gratitude and prayer and humilty. I held on to His robes and put my head on His lap. I was still sniffling a little. He
asked me what else was wrong. But this time he asked for it as a gift to Him. He lovingly said, "Do you have something for
me?" Meaning did I have a burden for Him to take away... I nodded, and gave Him the ache in my sinuses. Then He gave me relief.
Again and again little things would pop up to annoy me, like the pain in my right brain that was saying that I was afraid
of what other people thought of me, or what other people expected of me. He gently sensed this and repeated the process again
and again, for every little pain from my head to my toes, and as he did this I noticed there was no end to the fears and pains
that kept cropping up. He asked again "Do you have something for Me?" And I said, "Yes, My whole self" and I gave my wholeness
to Him, to be with Him always. He was glad. I was ecstatic! I almost jumped up off the carpet and yelled "Yippee" and thought
about shouting it from all the rooftops but He reminded me to get back down on my knees and not to move. I lovingly obeyed
like a little puppy. He told me that He would let me know when to get up and what to do next. I just stayed there.
We prayed some more, and He took away a few more of my burdens, but this time he showed me some gifts too. I gave him my 16 year old daughter who can drive me nuts. He definitely wanted her, and I knew
He would take great care of her. That was a huge relief. I didn't have to worry about her any more. He showed me a vision
of her in a few years in a warm jacket with a wedding ring and a baby on the way and I was so happy, this is a huge gift.
I definitely want to be a Grandma someday. He reminded me about my sister, who led me to Him. She passed away recently and
she comes to me in dreams and tells me things, or just hangs out. She told me that Heaven was even more cool than one could
ever ever imagine. He reminded me that she was a gift to me, and reminded me too to watch a dvd that her friend had made for
me. My cd burner is broken, but I will remember to watch it at the library. I gave him my boyfriend too! He told me that I
am not here to fix anyone. He told me to leave that to Him and so thats that!. I kept thinking that my time was running short
and that I would have to get up and go do something, but I was afraid to do anything. He reminded me to stay on my knees. He asked me if I would like to see some of my treasures now, and I said yes. He said to open
up my windows and let His love flow thru me. That I would never feel any worse than I did right then as long as I stayed on
the magic carpet on my knees in faith, trust, surrender and complete humility. That in time I would actually feel much much
better if I would just stay this way and wait for Him before I made a move. With each doubt, or at the onset of the start
of a worry he repeated, "Open up your windows and let my love flow thru you." He reminded me to stay on that carpet in my
mind, on my knees. When I started to feel afraid or worried, he would ask me again "Do you have something for me?" And I would
cut to the chase and surrender once more, saying "My whole self'. He said that was good, cause He could only use my whole self. Not just part of me. He reminded
me that He would always be there for me, never anywhere but by my side. I can always always know that He is there for me.
I am reminded to stay on that carpet, on my knees. I keep the windows in my minds clean and wide open. It takes practice,
It also reminds me of when I was a little kid and we used to stay on certain colored floor tiles, or avoid stepping on sidewalk
cracks in order to not be eaten by alligators or break our mama's back. My daughter's generation called it falling into the
"lava"... or getting eaten by sharks... When I felt safe enough to leave my prayers I came straight here to write this.
 November 1, 2008 Elizabeth Marie Hart age 55, passed peacefully on Saturday Nov 1, in Taos New Mexico after a 9 month battle
with cancer. Born Nov 4, 1952 in Chicago, she is predeceased by her parents Wayne J. Hart and Ann Hart of Lake Forest, IL.
Libby devoted her life to the expression of beauty pursued in her career as a fine arts painter. After graduating from Ripon
College in WI, she moved to Vail, CO in the mid 70's. She studied at the Denver Art Students League and The Art Institute
of Chicago. In 2000 she moved to Costilla, NM and opened her own studio. She is represented by Vail International Gallery
(http://www.vailgallery.com) and her works can be viewed on her website at http://www.libbyhart.com . Over the years she won many awards in the SW, recently Best of Taos Invites Taos 2008 for
Representational Painting and Drawing. She is survived by 5 siblings; Charles Hart of Grafton, WI; Chris Hart of Suwanee,
GA; Amy Hart of Destin, FL; Bill Hart of Gurnee, IL and Dede Murphy of Lake Bluff, IL. Her
family would like to thank all her friends and fellow artists for their support, especially Nancy Delpero and Gorus of Taos,
NM. Check 'em out: http://www.nancydelpero.com http://www.moenavi.org Libby’s Memorial Service (719) 672-0557
(http://www.ventero.org) In
lieu of flowers donate to The Art Students League of Denver, 200 Grant St. Denver, CO 80203. http://www.asld.org
Tuesday, February 06, 2007 February 10th Play List
7PM
please click HERE to learn how you can help!
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